Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Halloween!!! Don't miss it!

Show Report - London - Oct 13

with Robert O'Neill and WitchEver at The Richmond Tavern

show report - london

C - the quest for Starbucks ended in a large fail, but mediocre salad was good enough. Little Girl in Ladies room - do you dye your hair? i almost said no, vitamin deficiency. heh heh. Mandy found the WEIRDEST flavour of chips

D - Sour Cream & Bacon and Hot Wings aren't "weird" to most of us potato chip enthusiasts! But when the truckstop stocks bright pink cowboy hats, nobody even blinks an eye!

M - That little girl in the washroom was awesome. We may be the machine that spawned the next Florence. The check out lady was totally impressed with my choice in potato chips. And there is no weird at 4am when you're drunk and starving; there is just grease and tasty tasty chemicals.

C - our hotel was easy to find, and we didn't realize until our photographer buddy Jason sent a text - is that the place next to the Beef Baron? naturally we find the sleaziest, dirtiest strip bar. apparently it's so foul that our cousin Dirty Dirk won't even go there. Doug said the elevator smelled like strippers

D - I'll bet there have been many a walk of shame down the Econdomlodges hallways! I'm pretty sure that elevator reeked of cheap perfume and shame! The Beef Baron? Are we in the meat packing district? Apparently yes! Must be a sale on beef curtains tonight!

M - yeah, wow, that hotel must have been an Olympic venue, 'case it was all kinds of special. And the Beef Baron next door smelled like skunk. Which kinda makes sense--Pepe Le Pew has always had a thing for pussycats.

C - we arrived, and instantly tore the room apart for photo shoot #1 one, which is classified. which sucks because it was HILARIOUS and you will PISS YOURSELVES laughing when you see the pics.

D - I'm pretty sure the what we did in that room was quite tame compared to "normal" weekend activity. Though, I wouldn't want to have gone all CSI on the place. I'm hoping I didn't catch anything from the jacuzzi! And I have to say I did enjoy some of the "reflective" features of the room!

M - The hotel guy arrived with the rolly bed at exactly the wrong time. He was all eyebrows and skeezy questions when I checked out the next day.

C - photo shoot #2 was classier and we were fully dressed. unfortunately, the cocktails were fake. we were drinking red bull & tequila out of ugly plastic cups though, have no fear

D - Classy as we could ever be! That's why I keep the inner voice gagged for such "sophisticated" moments! ( I so wanted to spell that with an f instead of a ph)

M - Yeah, I know it's all part of the magic and make-believe, but it was still weird being all dressed like a grown up. That is NOT why I joined a band!

C - after whoring up twice for photos, we whored up again, shook our bits at the Beef Baron out the window, then took off to the gig.

D - Except for poor Mandy who had to return the mom-mobile back to the hotel, cab back to the club, cab back to the hotel to retrieve Jason's backpack that was left in the mom-mobile and then back to the club! Cutting into precious pre-show theraquilas!

M - Somebody had to take on that mission, and I had the keys to the mom-mobile. I made up for lost tequila time later...which always leads to lost tequila time...

C - Mandy is a Trooper - she's looking for The Boys in the Bright White Sports Car in Cold, Cold Toronto, and Don't Like Bein' Told What to Do, so Drive Away, Drivin' Crazy in your Gyspy Wheeler Lookin' for Trouble and Raisin' a  Little Hell.

D - What? Mandy is in Trooper? Sweet gig!

M - Trooper is in me. And mmm raisins...

C - i love playing shows in London. they get us. they sing along. they have an ass-shaking Stephanie!

D - Let me shorten that last sentence to what you wanted to say: "I love ass-shaking Stephanie!"

M - Asses in general love us.

C- we have mic stand drink holders now, for we is teh hightechs and such

D - And we (well, I) have learned that if you knock over the mic stand, the drink, she's gonna spill. Maybe we need fancy sippy cups for these high tech holders?

M - Everything is better in a fancy sippycup, and less sloshy. I hate sloshing on the Harlot, but it happens.

C- the new songs went well, with no mistakes, and no terror induced shaking that we couldn't hide well enough.

C- you know what the audience didn't see? my ruffled & bow black panties. because my cocktail dress skirt was actually long enough to be civilized, and i didn't bend over like a trollop.

D - I don't know if I can get the sight of both of you fully clothed and underexposed out of my mind!  Some things can't be unseen! Thank gord we had that photo shoot to make up for it! ;-)

M - Yeah, again, dressing like a grown-up is NOT why I joined a band.

C - the hotel said we could have a late checkout of 1pm, and nobody would disturb us until then. nice of them to phone at 11:30 am and see if we were still in the room. assholes. that is why i always steal the pen and notepaper.

D - That hotel probably says a lot of things like: "I'm sorry lady, you need to wear clothing during the "continental" breakfast!" and " No...a donkey is not considered a pet and cannot accompany you to the room!"
D - I slept on a roll-a-way bed that basically had a crib mattress! You guys had a king size bed! I see how it is..."Them drummers ain't right and can't be trusted." Well...yeah, you're probably right!  ...sigh...

M - Yup.

C - is it rude to barge into someone's apartment and beg for coffee, when it's 1pm and you've just gotten up and are slightly hungover?

D - Only if it takes you more than 3 attempts to find the apartmet

M - I think that coffee saved us from causing a major accident en route to the OnRoute for coffee, so I think we could categorize it as a medical emergency.

C - when YOU are at the OnRoute pitstop, sipping Starbuckery, are you given a bright red rockem' sockem' robot by the cleaning staff? no?!?! then you're not Doug.

D - No! No you're not! And being all of the awesomesauce!

M - Because you're in a band.

D - No...because I'm in a band with with you guys! <3 p="p">
PHOTOS! - High Heels Lo Fi, Witch Ever and Robert O'Neil at The Richmond

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Show Report - Sat. Sept. 29, Bassline Pub, Ottawa

The Contra, Black Market Candy, High Heels Lo Fi, Static Revolt

C - the drive up was mellow, and filled with alt-rock and Starbucks. we made it in about 4.5 hours, which is ridiculous. lots of time to fuel up with a huge burger and a few drinks.

M - Yay for the Mom-mobile! Comfort, space, and a good sound system! Also? Cruise control. Handy 'cause I have a congenital lead foot from Mom's side of the family.

D - Drive highlight (or lowlight) Some dude in a black oversized pick up actually had silver balls hanging from his trailer hitch! Why didn't we get a picture?

M - Because some things are too gross and stupid to need a picture of.

D - You're right Mandy... I guess Cyn can vouch for that!

C - someone mentioned that a "girls night party" was coming tonight. woohoo! we like girlies!

D - Yes!.....yes we do!

M - Who doesn't?

C - I had been sitting still for far too long, so when I popped outside with Doug, I was doing jumps and high kicks to get some blood flow going. whoops - was doing super high kicks in a super short skirt. good grief.

D- It's O.K. Cyn...remember, you had Mandy's underpants on? So I technically didn't see yours! And the vocal demonstrations you gave to the local youth gang was quite funny as well!

M - It 's nice that Cynthia is volunteering with the underprivleged children, giving them music lessons and help with their anatomy homework.

C - I was really worried that my voice wouldn't hold. I had been sick for several days, and my throat was pretty sketchy. but by the fourth song I was pretty sure it would last for the set. I'd say it was at about 87% of regular power, which hopefully was enough to amuse everyone

D - Pretty sure the bottle and a half of tequila we went through that night helped!

M - Mother always said that alcohol kills the germs.

C- there is often one dude in the audience whose face I notice when we play Littlest Hobo. I see this glimmer of... "this is familiar", followed by "no - it couldn't be", and finally "HELL YEAH!" and suddenly there is a fist in the air and he is singing along. it's a different dude at each show, but I love that dude.

D - Littlest Hobo always goes over well and with the new "mix up the musical genre bass solo" it's just over the top. Until... you stand up and knock the drum stool over and realize you can't sit back down for the rest of the song!

M - Every song, all rockbilly, all the time...
      The first thing I heard when we finished our set was some guy hollering "That was fucking hilarious!" which is           really the best compliment anyone could pay us.

C- Girlies wore our t-shirts. That makes my black little heart melt a bit.

M - They make everyone's boobies look better! And make moobies more manly...

D - Wow, do our t-shirts ever make girlies look good!  And we don't mind a "good" girl on occasion! But we prefer them bad!!!
     Speaking of which, there might have been a "slotblock" incident at the after party. I'll try to not let that happen again! Unless we decide to share, of course! :)

C - Mandy: "how long does GoogleMaps say it is to Kingston?"
     Me: "two hours and five minutes".
     Mandy: "i'll do it in an hour forty-five".
     Me: "holy crap, she did!"

M - See my first comment.

D - That's how we roll (and rock). She gets a blues name to insert: "Leadfoot"!

C- Lunch at The Iron Duke on Wellington is well worth the detour. That black bean dip was the tastiest of all tastes, and luckily the bean effect didn't hit until hours after we were out of the car.

D - It's O.k. You two bought enough cheese in Wilton to counteract anything that goes through the digestive system for months!

C- I spent around $300 at the Wilton Cheese Factory, but $200 was for a friend with a wee Wilton Cheese addiction. I guess if you're gonna get hooked on something, great cheese isn't so bad.

M - Yeah, there's something about that cheese. I got a bag of cheese curds, but when I saw ~everyone~ coming through the door buying cheese curds, I got suspicious. So I gave the curds to my mom instead. We'll see what happens...

D - Whew...glad I don't do cheese!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Show Report - Friday Sept. 7, Hard Luck Bar

with Girl Lovin the Vibe and SLAVE to the SQUAREwave

C - how do i get talked into wearing such ridiculous (tiny) outfits on stage? i was more nervous about that than the two new songs. argh. 

M - Hey, who doesn't like a good school assembly. And for that you need slutty school girls. And 'cause it was a school assembly, everyone had to stand for the playing of the national anthem, on bass and kazoo. So we had to be dressed like slutty school girls. It's just logic. 

C - good thing we put all new or tricky songs into the first third of the set, because THREE lovely people brought us rounds of shots while we were playing. this is why the last two songs are dead easy - for just such an occasion.

M - Yes, there is that good place, that is somwehere between the theraquila and the second of three on-stage rounds kicking in where we get the accuracy-to-fun ratio right. And then we play the last two songs. Screw you accuracy, you A-type jerk. 

D - I invoke the right to remain silent on the grounds that anything I say or do can and will be held against me!
      Is it any wonder that these are called "Miranda" Rights?

M - I'm not holding my rights or my lefts against you, Doug. 

C - okay Doug, we'll let you off the hook on this one. i'll try not to mention you poking me in the ass with a riding crop between songs. 

D - At least it was just a riding crop!!!!

C - i think we played really well - new stuff turned out okay, people were cheerleading, lots of laughter. we had a lot of great feedback from sweet people after the show. that's always lovely. sold some tshirts, made some friends. but THEN, the most important part of the night... dancing our fool asses off to SLAVE to the SQUAREwave! that was amazingly fun. (there may have been some shirts unbuttoned while dancing on stage, but what happens on stage stays there, right?)

M - I had an insane amout of fun playing, grooved to GLtV while I worked the crowd and ended up with a bra full of tshirt money (the Bank of HHLF--a little sweaty, but ain't no-one breaking through that bullet-proof brassiere) and then danced my ass into oblivion when S2tSw went on. And totally got my dirty dance on with Kim. But I gave her $20 bucks of bramoney, so that makes it less pervvy. Yup. 

D - Well, Mandy does set the standards for whoredrobe, so we must adhere to those standards. Specifically because we constantly aim so high!!!
It's just a drag I can't dance with you guys whenever SLAVE plays. Cuz you know I got the moves like Jager!

M - I believe that's spelled 'Jäger'. 

D - Yeah, I'm just to lazy to search for umlauts! 

Thanks for the Photos Noah/Steve!

Video from the show - thanks Andrew!:

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Show Report - Wed. Aug 1st - Rancho Relaxo

Meanwhile back at the Rancho...

I swear, Two Way Dan just gives us gigs so he can see what kind of
shenanigans we'll get up to this time. I think the Pink Platoon, ready
to invade CandyLandistan, did not disappoint. Seriously, the matching
pink camo was an awesome investment capturing giggles and livers.

I have a pink star on my cheek! Head to toe in pink camo!
Maybe I should have dyed my hair pink. Although moon was almost full,
the tides high and I'm pretty positive that I'm "syncing" up with the girls.
Having a dancing girl (Kate) on stage from the get go was a first and
it only meant Mandy had no choice but to stand and play directly in
front of me! Best behaviour!!!
See, I can do it.
And I managed to keep my pants on the whole night!
You're welcome!

Two new covers and a new original - I hope we entertained the @#$% out of our old friends and new buddies. Thanks so much to Kate for shaking her cute ass for the whole shebang! And to Alana & Veronique for joining in for last few songs! I swear, we always end up with the BEST party people, everywhere we go! We are so lucky!

Show Report - Paintapalooza!

Friday July 28, LOCO Roller Derby Fundraiser, outside Brantford.

Private Parts, Major Tatas, and General Pervery reported for duty at
the Paintball Field!

D - I'm a General Now! Does that mean you have to follow my orders
or end up in the brig?

M -- Saigon... shit; I'm still only in Saigon... Every time I think
I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle.

C - the drive to Brantford was pretty chill, and included helping an
older lady pick out a fancy bottle of tequila for a gift, and roaming
the grocery store while people stared at our weird hair & matching hot
orange shirts.

M--My orders say I'm not supposed to know where I'm taking this boat,
so I don't! But one look at you, and I know it's gonna be hot!

C - the derby team had fixed us a cooler with our name on it, full of
ice, beer, and a bottle of Cuervo... I hit that pretty hard. Can we
please not mention quite HOW hard I hit that bottle? I also blame the
extreme sunshine for frying my brain.

D - In Soviet Russia, bottle hits you! Let's just say that there's only
about 6 ounces left in that bottle. We don't need to explain exactly what
size bottle it was! But it was fun carrying on conversations and eating food
that Cynthia will never remember!
Did we mention the show took place at Crazy Bill's Paintball! So it was
only fitting that Mandy and I partook in a little rhythm section rivalry on the
field. Sure, she's in much better shape than I, but I also have some marksman
skills. We both wear our bruises with pride! She just wears a few more!!

M-- There's mines over there, there's mines over there, and watch out
those goddamn monkeys bite, I'll tell ya.

C - i sobered up in time to change into camo gear, walk around parking
lot doing vocal warmups looking insane, and chug some water before the
set. i *think* we played fairly well. everyone seemed to really dig
it! i've never had to focus while smacking mosquitos before though.

D - And the "camo" gear was PINK! Yes, PINK camouflage! Just in case we
needed to invade Candyland! But as usual, some strange force had removed my
pants halfway through the set. And not that much longer my underwear was on
the stage between Cynthia and Mandy!
I don't know whose drum throne I borrowed, but I apologize profusely!

C - oh man... some things cannot be unseen. but we made it through two & a half new covers and a brand new original without going totally off the rails. so there's something to be said for the power of discount Red Rain!

M--I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no
right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a
right to do that... but you have no right to judge me.

C- halfway through the set i was interrupted by J pouring a shot of
tequila into my face. i am a professional, so i managed not to choke,
or drip any on the guitar. the two new covers turned out great, and
the new derby song was a hit, even though SOMEBODY started it just a
bit too quick!

D - I wasn't wearing any pants! And there was a stage full of half naked Derby girls!
I might have wanted to get through the last couple of songs a little quicker, If you
know what I mean!

M--They were gonna make me a Major for this, and I wasn't even in
their fuckin' army anymore.

C - the last few songs had a whack of scantily clad derby gals on
stage dancing - bikini tops were displaying boobies everywhere!

D- Hey wait....that's not a drumstick!!!

C- somewhere there is a glorious photo of me on my knees, still
wearing guitar, with pick in my teeth, reaching up to grab a boobie on
each side of me. life is grand, kiddies. life is grand!

M--They're out there operating without any decent restraint, totally
beyond the pale of any acceptable human conduct. And they're is still
in the field, commanding troops.

D - I felt like I was hosting Romper Room with the dirty magic mirror...
I see Sammi and Stephanie and Kole and.....booooooooobies!
The hostages were released!
We weren't allowed to do an encore unless more more hostages were released.
Thankfully the demands were met!

C - Romper Room! LOL  perfection.

M--Disneyland? Fuck, man, this is better than Disneyland!

C - i was awoken at 5:40 am by a rooster crowing. a ROOSTER fer
crissakes. i woke up in a cartoon.

D - But I thought early morning cock was good? We we're in the cuntry after all! :)

M--Smell that? You smell that?  Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world
smells like that.
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

C - Doug, did you actually hand me the tequila bottle around 10am? well done, sir.

D - Breakfast of Champions!

M--This General guy? He's wacko, man! He's worse than crazy. He's
evil. It's fuckin' pagan idolatry.

D - And no mention of the colossal Poutine ritual! Nothing says brunch like an enormous
plate of  Ham, Bacon and Sausage covered poutine. And Mandy's Maple, Bacon and
fried onion with a sunny side up egg on top poutine was just as epic! She knows...
She knows!

M--The horror... the horror...

Friday, June 22, 2012

Show Report - North by NorthEast!

Thursday June 14 - Detour Bar, NXNE Showcase
with Jet Black, Alright Alright, and This Mess

Notes from Cyn:
- Detour Bar is one of those awesome little nooks that is perfect for party people. but it looks like it's usually packed, so please don't tell anyone about it. SHUSH.
- OMG the staff are all super hot. seriously, we beg of you, do NOT tell anyone about this bar.
- the stage was small. "the drums were halfway up my ass, but other than that, i'm perfect!"
- in London we dressed British, for Laura Rock's CD release we dressed rocker, and for Detour... we dressed to match the disco ball. for realz.
- it felt like we played REALLY well. everything felt like it was on fire. or was that just the extreme heat? but people were bouncing and dancing and cheerleadering (hush now, it is too a word) and yelling with fists in the air.
- we even had two sexy dancing girls mashed onto the front speaker for the last two songs.
- afterward, a girl said that i reminder her of Joan Jett and I nearly burst into tears. i'm sort of a dork.
- HOLY MOTHER OF BOB THE POUTINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mandy, please explain the awesomeness of Bon Jovi & poutine...

Notes from Dug:
-what we played NXNE! It all seems to blur together from Wednesday evening to Sunday morning.
-keeping up with these young cupcakes will be the death of me...but what a way to go!
-consumed more alcohol in 5 days than all month...but still relatively sober...DAMN you tolerance!
-the gig was fantastic, 3 sparkling lunatics, rocking out in black and silver from head to toe!
- the fact that whoever put the drum kit together and didn't know back from front of a bass drum didn't deter us from given 'er our all!
Nothing that a cinder block and sparkle boots couldn't fix. (see pic)
-all in all it was a killer night with killer bands. We came, we rocked, We had sex with your moms! \m/

Notes from Mandy:
Uhhh, the dog ate my show report.


We played NXNE and I worked my Artist pass like show-playing, seminar-going, line-jumping jerk that I am.
So. Much. Fun. With a disco ball...

The cool thing about the Artist pass is that you get to go to all these fancy-schmancy industry seminars, which were either kinda not-quite-as-advertised, or interesting, or frikkin' cool, depending on how you choose...or how many of the family-sized gins the very friendly bartender has served you.
In between seminars we got loads of people chatting with us 'cause of the jackets, and every time we turned around, all of the earplugs we'd put down were gone! People love swag. I hope they look us up on FB.
While the seminars teased us with cookies on Wednesday, there were none on Thursday or Friday. RIP OFF! I DEMAND COOKIES! I HAVE AN ARTIST PASS, DAMMIT!

Super huge thanks to Charles Whaley of for the Video!

Photo Set - and Review of the show thanks SO much Amber!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Show Report - NOW Lounge

Thursday June 7 - NOW Lounge, Toronto

Sarah Smith, Laura L'Rock, and High Heels Lo Fi << Review of the show from Nik Beat

Notes from Cyn:

- NOW Lounge is clean and pretty and doesn't smell like a bar. more of a lounge. it's really nice. i'm surprised they let us in.
- bartenders, sound man, and all staff were really sweet and helpful. they seemed to dig our schtick. keen.
- Sarah Smith has a brilliant voice & should do a blues album. Someone please hand her a briefcase full of money to make that happen.
- Laura Rock & her band were on fire, and were an awesome great time! Drummer Owen is cuter than a duck wearing a hat, and is a bundle of bouncy happy energy. very inspiring.
- lots of friends & fans came out - was a great crowd!
- we played really well, i held the long note for 57 seconds, and people screamed along!
- at the end of the night, Mandy & I were hauling gear in high heels & mini skirts. some of the staff nearly yelled at us for doing this, & rushed to help. so sweet! but chicks in bands must haul their own shizz. chicks must never act like girls!

Notes from Dug:

-to follow the likes of Sarah Smith and Laura L'Rock is no easy task. But the crowd that stuck around to see our schtick seemed to really enjoy us. fans.
-and for the first time with the cupcakes, Cyn was directly in front of me for a change. I could see the look of relief in Mandy's eyes. Yes, I always look Mandy straight in the eyes!!!ALWAYS!!!
-Cyn in her shortest skirt yet didn't help and it wasn't t long before I extended a SLAVEdrummer welcome via drumstick!
-getting compliments from Laura's all star line up of real, full time musicians was humbling at most. When Owen Tennyson calls you "da shit" you must be doing something right! Alcohol might have been a factor, but ya gotta love Owen. He's REAL!
- Nik Beat of the Howl on CIUT was M.C. for the night and he also gave us kudos for the show. And a nice little review!
- I missed the after gig poutine. :-( Oh well, there's always next time...

Notes from Mandy:

*a bluebird flies by the window*

Apparently Mandy is off on special assssssignment. Something involving experimental bass techniques and pyrotechnics using mescal as a base. I don't know, I wasn't really listening dude, Steel Panther was on at the time. You expect me to pay attention? I bet bassist Lexxi Foxx doesn't turn in his show reports either, but in his defense, he spends 10 hours a day on his hair and makeup, 10 hours a day screwing groupies, and 2 hours for soundcheck and the show. So time is limited for show reporting.

Super huge thanks to Charles Whaley of for the Video! click HERE for Video!

Show Report!

Saturday June 2 - The Richmond Tavern, London

Notes from Cyn:
- for this trip we had a groupie / roadie / buddy come with us, who shall henceforth be known as FancyPants.
- had to cram all of our gear, including drums, into Mandy's Mom's car. usually when doing a show the hometown band will supply the drums. drummers ALWAYS share drums. but apparently the special little princess from K.R.A.W. didn't want to share his brand new (but cheap and generic) drum kit with strangers. fuckin' mary.
- the drive to London was full of great conversation and buckets of laughing. then we fueled up (ate WAY too much) at East Side Mario's. 8 layer lasagne? hell yes.
- The Richmond Tavern is a fabulous bar full of people who understand us. don't you just adore bars that feel like coming home?
- thanks to the many friends who came out to see us! and to Jason Roorda who took some amazing photos
- since we were in London for the Queen's Jubilee, we dressed as British mods. Doug even brought a Union Jack flag that had belonged to his grandad! we made him wear a tiara. yes, we're douchebags.
- the show went really well - i think we rocked it! there seemed to be a general sense of approval, fists in the air, and people prancing & dancing about.
- shots? yes there were!
- middle of the night chips & pretzels run? yes there was!
- back at the hotel.... should we say who Doug got to share a bed with, or just let that one hang?
- Mandy & I were total assholes in the morning and sent Doug and FancyPants down to fetch coffee and cinnamon buns while we warmed up with chips and Red Rain. yes, we're douchebags.
- we all lounged in bed watching the Queen's Jubilee boat parade. trust me, we were funnier than the snotty newscasters. read back in our Twitter feed if you don't believe me.
- goddamn those cinnamon buns were good!
- in the morning when we went back to the bar to fetch our gear, one dude, having been there until last call the night before, was enjoying a noontime beer. he raved about how crazy it was that i can hold a note that long, and was bugging me for my secrets. heh heh. also something about how his mother is Welsh and his father is Hungarian, so that makes him Well-Hung.

Notes from Dug:
-putting a full 3pc band with gear, overnight bags, and a roadie/groupie into an Accura crossover required some Tetris/Jenga combo skills. But we made it all fit! Thank you K.R.A.W. (cough-douchebag-cough)
-setting up the gear / sound / stage wasn't as challenging as I thought it was going to be. Actually made the room sound good, with ample monitoring and nobody lost their hearing. With us at least!
-Sitting down to start the set I noticed the fuzzy pink tiara resting on my snare drum. First words out of my mouth were " Are you frickin serious?" But I already knew the answer! So I was the "pretty princess" for the evening. At least I wasn't "handlebars"!
-the set went great, the shots were flowing, had my first Irish Car Bomb! Tequila, Jager, Gin & Tonics, beer...a bit of everything, yet still relatively sober, as usual!
-Even bought Mandy a couple of extra shots, knowing well that they might help her "sleep" better since she was taking one for the team and bunking down with SNOREdrummer! I hope she at least slept for a couple of hours, I only remember one maybe two shoves that night!
All led into a lazy morning of TV watching, breakfast fetching (still the new guy) and general lounging around. (NOTE: Cinnamon buns with bacon heated up in the microwave are delicious)

Notes from Mandy:

*crickets chirping*

It seems that Mandy has been practicing bass so hard this week that she simply cannot waste energy on typing. Also, she may have injured her pinky finger by overextending it in British teatime form. (PINKIES UP! is the new HHLF code for "We Need a Cocktail") Therefore, the Management would like to state that she had a lovely time in London, and was a perfectly behaved (*cough cough, no, i can do this with a straight face...*) perfectly behaved young lady who enjoyed a charming time in this fine city.

The ass shaking upskirt video footage has yet to hit the interwebs.

Photos from the darling Jason Roorda Photography:

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Band Camp Highlights

May 4 - 6, High Heels Lo Fi spent the weekend writing new songs & polishing old ones.
Here is a tick of what Cyn remembers...

- Doug's vanilla ginger white wine sangria tastes like HAPPY.
- his corned beef hash is also divine. foooooooood coma
- photographer Lance Preston took an array of amazing (and weird) photos of us in an S&M dungeon. sorry, "playroom". whatever. please don't ask how we get talked into these things, we have no idea
- songwriting degrades into a pizza party pretty darn quickly when Doug is mixing drinks like it's Saturday but it's only Friday night.
- Mandy's new song is AWESOME & involves dive bars, the moon, and 60's surf twang guitar.
- Doug's roller derby tune is coming along quite well. maybe 60% done.
- new cover song is sung by someone who acts like a big tough guy... but it's the highest thing that I have ever sung, so I'll be practicing arias in the shower for a few weeks.
- My new song needed a bridge, and Doug and I both screamed the solution at practically the same moment. it was sorta creepy. but then when we hacked it out, it got creepier, in the best of ways.
- Cinco de Mayo margaritas = yum!!!
- it looks like we really will get a full length album done this summer!

Oshawa - May 11, The Atria, 59 King Street East
with Money Pie and Lavender Orange

London - June 2, Richmond Tavern, 372 Richmond Street
with K.R.A.W. Don't miss this rockin' party night!

Toronto - June 7, NOW Lounge, 189 Church Street
Laura Rock's release party for new CD "Law of Attraction" with guests Sarah Smith and High Heels Lo Fi.

Brantford - July 28, Crazy Bill's Paintball, 380 Sour Springs Road
Paint-a-palooza - Brantford Roller Derby Fundraiser
a whole day of bands & food & sun & fun - don't miss it!

CLICK: - - - -

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Show Report - Cafe Dekcuf, Ottawa, April 6

Scribbled Notes from car trip home

Ryan is awesome and Ottawa is fun and we got to play a show with our band-in-law for the first time, so we hollered YES to this fundraiser.

Rented a car for the trip - a good excuse to drive it like it's stolen.

Cafe Dekcuf is not a cafe. But it is sorta simultaneously an attic, a basement, and a cozily grungey bar.

Max the sound tech made us sound sparkley awesome and JJ the bartender was our best new friend, all pouring like he was putting the good back in Good Friday.

From pretty much the first song, the crowd got on the crazy train with us and got into our schtick.

And there there was gin.

Someone yelled "more cock jokes!" We're always happy to oblige.

There was laughing, dancing, bartender JJ bringing us a round when our tequila levels were getting low, enthusiastic cheerleaders (leaving a trail of tinsel bits), and dancing girlies on stage. Then there were hugs, naughty photos, and more great music.

Um... then... something something... packing gear, late night poutine, getting hugged by extremely drunken Easter Bunny on the street, homeless guy rendered speechless by Mandy's beauty but muttered something about being in love with her, jumping on hotel beds in a tutu, Mandy's boot ate her fishnets, there may have been sleep.

Morning = getting some tail (mine was chocolate hazelnut), long drive home, stop in Kingston for amazing lunch at The Duke, long drive home to the music of DJ Rub & Doug.

"Why the rumble strip?"
"I like the way it feels".

Oh good grief.

Show Report - Bella's Burlesque Birthday Bash - March 23

Notes from Doug:
Mixing burlesque dancers, handbell orchestras, alcohol and of course HHLF is a recipe for utter debauchery!
First, unless you're blind, there are always the distractions (see boobs) that seem to follow us from show to show! Let's just say that night, they, (see boobs) were out in record droves. Even Mandy was fronting spectacular chesticles (see boobs) that night as to not be outdone!
The night opened with the birthday girl herself, Bella Fox, and Pavlov's Dogs Handbell Orchestra playing contemporary pop a la MGMT on handbells.Followed by Bella's first dance of the evening!
Couple more dancers and then we we're up! Packed house, I mean all the way to the back of the Swan! And we're still relatively sober!
And did I mention I'm tucked into a corner. Nobody puts Dougie in a corner! Well O.K. if there is anyone who I would allow to "corner"'s the cupcakes!
And so we play, the usual, here come the girlies on stage, pom poms in hand.....wait what's that? Oh no, SLAVEdrummer kryptonite...the cutest little Korean girl is dancing beside Cyn! Good night all.... ;-)

Notes from Cyn:
Doug has covered this pretty well, but i shall add a few points. There were so many people dancing right in front of the stage and ON the stage with us that the floor was shaking, causing the microphone to hammer into my teeth. That's okay, that's rock & roll, people! i shall take it for the name of rock! Also, a gorgeous burlesque girlie took one look at my boots in the changing room and called me a hot bitch. Oh, and i got to use the girlie change room, full of hot, semi-naked girlies. Have i mentioned lately that i love my life? heh heh

mandy says: boobies!

show highlight: bella lost her pastie and seemed fairly unconcerned about it.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Two Upcoming Shows


OSHAWA - May 11!

June 2, London, Richmond Tavern
July 28, Brantford

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Saturday Rehearsal Cocktail

Doug & Cyn's version -

In a large pint glass:
- two icecubes
- half cup of Mango-Apple-Cherry juice
- cup of soda water
- cup & half of sparkling rosé wine
- splash of pomegranate juice
(all measurements are a vague guess)

Stir with a long butcher knife.

Mandy's improved version -
Same as above, add shot of tequila & juice of half a lime

We are working on a name for this. Giggle Juice? Doug already has a recipe for Jesus Juice (don't drink it. you'll turn Ozzie Level 7 Insane after once glass)

All Name suggestions welcome!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Friday, March 23, 2012

Show Report - St Party's Day

_Hazy Leprechaun Cupcakes_
saturday march 17 at rancho relaxo with The Motherlode

C - many of our friends came early & proceeded to drink, chitchat, eat
cupcakes & chocolates from the pot of gold
M - OMG THERE WERE CUPCAKES!!! REALLY GOOD CUPCAKES!!! Sorry Money Pie, but Lavender Orange brought us cupcakes, and they're our new favourite Doug's other band now.

C - we were worried our set would run too long but the second band had
to cancel (singer in hospital - sounds like he'll be fine in few days
& we wish him speedy recovery). but suddenly we shall be starting
pinch late & adding three more songs to set. okay then!
M - If there's one thing we can be counted on to do well, it's to ramble endlessly and entertainingly. And harass the drummer. We did a lot of that too. Doug is still being initiated but he's putting up with it all pretty well. The hazing seem to involve a lot of boobies. I hope he's OK with that.

C - we had four sexy leprechauns all dolled up & they danced like crazy
in front of stage & on stage!
M - It's pretty danged awesome that Cynthia says "hey, we need sexy leprechauns" and then minimally-dressed gorgeous women show up to prance for us.

C - i think our set went really well - people were singing along! there
was the usual amount of fuckery & hijinks, but the music itself went
well. okay, i hit a few really shitty chords, but i was distracted...
did you see the hottie dancing like mad right at my left elbow? you'd
be distracted too. so shush. :)
M - All in all a pretty musically tight show! Except the one song that I was trying to video for my mom ended up with booty all over it. Oh well. Maybe I'll have clothes on again for the next gig.

C - my boss brought a huge tray of tequila shots in middle of set! i guess he wasn't offended by our debauchery. thanks!!!
M - That was epic! That was enough tequila for a small island nation, and Cyn was determined that ~none~ of it would go to waste. I had to remind her to share with the leprechauns. She gets a little greedy around the tequila--make sure you don't get your fingers in between her and the bottle.

C - spock's flute solo added some much needed class to the dubliner's
"bugger off" we covered for last song.
M - An as-always entertaining and fun solo from Spock. It always makes me happy when real musicians want to participate in our jackassery.

C - so much awesomeness happened & i am forgetting a lot...
M - It was a ridiculous fun night--singing prancing leprechauns, hazing, progrock flute. So, pretty much business as usual for an HHLF show.

Doug Notes:

Bra on Head:-O surprise
Boobies :D big grin
Hooter Shooter&lt:-P party
Can this be every show...Please!=P~ drooling

Thursday, March 22, 2012

The New, Weirder, Wilder, High Heels Lo Fi

Warning Planet Earth, Cynthia, Mandy and Doug are starting this blog to streamline our Facebook posts, Best of Twitter, and random stuff we feel like sharing. Stay tuned!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Show Report - Sat. Feb 4 - Therapy Lounge, Brantford - Poutine, Patrone and Pu**y!

* LOCO Roller Derby Brantford Chapter fundraiser *

(Drummer Doug's very first show report!)

D: The drive up the 403 directly into the sun was only a precursor to what heavenly goodness laid ahead. What was was once called the Home of Wayne Gretzky has now become the Home of 24hr Poutine a la Lonnies on Market St.

As our first stop for noms and central meeting spot we were overwhelmed by a little hole in the wall open 24 hours that served 16 varieties of Poutine. Such variations as breakfast poutine, Pogo poutine, weiners and beans poutine and fire in the hole poutine!

After devouring our pre show yummies, It was off to The rapy.

Therapy was a "clinically clean" club with white leather couches and one buxom blonde bartender. It's the first club that I have seen with both Patrone and Fireball dispensers! Take that Jagermeister!

And thanks to owner Steve, the Patrone was flowing as freely as maple syrup in springtime Quebec!

Shot after shot of Patrone and skittle shots mixed in with the "normal" HHLF drink orders made for an intoxicating (pun intended) evening of rock and debauchery! Did I mention the 24 beer that was comped for us (read ME) as well thanks to the Brantford LOCO roller derby?

Oh yeah, that's what we came for in the first place. Dozens of hot derby girls in fishnets and tight lillte shorts! Shaking what God gave them all night! The thought of after gig poutine took a back burner from that point!

Two local acts Pay No Mind and Social Abortion opened the night to tecnically glitchy sound and when the soundboard decided to start it's own set of ear shattering feedback, it was time to become soundman and get that shit under control!

Needless to say, my first live show with "cupcakes" went rather flawless.

Highlights of the night:

booze booze and more booze (you can't lose)

packed club that was digging the music

Mandy wins the 50/50 raffle (of course she donated it back to the cause) she's just so awesome like that!

Cynthia's combination Ass / Guitar / Shot solo; she's just so awesome like that!

And of course the view from behind. Specifically when there's 15 chicks in front of you...Did I mention how hard this gig is?