Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Canadian Music Week!

Look for the hot pink jackets and the pink & black & red hair - we'll give you free earplugs if you yell "OMG it's High Heels Lo Fi!"
Okay, we'll give you the earplugs even if you just say Hi. :)

You're coming to our Lee's Palace Burlesque Show on March 28th, right?


Friday, March 8, 2013

Show Report: "lack of undergitch is a totally valid technical difficulty."

Show Report - Friday January 18, 2013
The Cameron House with Fitzroy Terrors

C - It was a dark and stormy night, so I fueled up on chicken curry & cajun fries, 'cuz that's how I roll. By the time I got to Cameron House I was actually really relaxed. Which is weird. 

C - It was lovely not having to haul amps. Thanks Fitzroy boys! Just guitars & pedals & cruise on in. Jason even had a sassy pair of white high heels sitting on top of his amp! There was a hot pink piece of satin draped on the piano that, had it been much tinier, I would have assumed was Mandy's undergitch. 

D - Yes, if that pink satin guitar case liner had been underwear, there would have been enough room for all 3 of us in there! On the other hand, Mandy's Lucky Rock Star undergitch doesn't look like it covers anything at all. How comfortable could that be? Floss much?
At least we located it so that the show could go on!
C- i actually went around and told a bunch of people to please not be alarmed, our set would start as soon as our bass player found her lucky underthong. they looked terrified but laughed politely.
M--It was totally awesome not having to deal with amps, a little terrifying when my lucky rockstar gitch disappeared, and yeah--I'll never leave the drummer in charge of my gitch again. He doesn't know where they go. 
...and lack of undergitch is a totally valid technical difficulty. 

C - Great crowd, great conversation, great venue. Listened to a whole lotta Zeppelin waiting for Fitzroy Terrors to start. good times.
D - bad know I've had my share! When the woman left home with a brown eyed man, I didn't seem to care...

C - funny, i wasn't nervous at all about our set but i was on my way to terrified to sing along on FT's song "Creep". I just didn't know it super well and didn't want to mess it up. but i think it went okay - guys?
D -Seemed fine to me! I couldn't see / hear a thing from back there! I had to follow the clambell!

C - Mandy! the clambell slide was epic!
M--That was some unusual rock n' rollery. 

C - although my cocktail dress was the longest skirt i've worn in months, it was so tight & tricky it required two girlies to help lace me into it. heehee!
D - But more many girlies helped you out of it? :)
C- unfortunately none, and there was a tickling attack from the buddy who unlaced the back for me. eeek!
M--I know. I felt totally overdressed and awkward. No more of this trying to look classy bollocks. 

C - our dancing girls Kate & Kelly were amazing! such great energy for the whole set!

C - also, people were dancing for most of the set - sometimes to songs that i wouldn't have pegged as a dance song, but what do i know, right?
D - Haha, you said "pegged"! 

C - Big Dumb Rock Song featured both bands, with Jason on guitar so i could just stand around and sing. that tune rocks with a killer guitar solo in it! awesomesauce. 
M--The supergroup was fun!

C - poor sound tech Frank not only had to deal with our silliness, but a front speaker that conked out - so he had to work around by panning everything left & pulling magic tricks out of a hat & switching microphone weirdness. but he kept the rock rockin! thanks!

C - Mandy, please tell the tale of the strange blonde guy at the Poutinerie :)
M--Ahhh yes, we were still all whore'd up from the gig, and stopped for poutine across from a venerable old strip club, Filmores. We were chatting with the nice young man behind us in line and mentioned that we'd just done a show; his reply was "Oh, were you on at Filmore's?" and then when we stopped cackling like loons long enough to explain that we're in a band, he was really really really profusely and repeatedly apologetic. It was rather adorable. 



I've never seen anyone have carnal relations with a hoola hoop

Show Report - Cabaret at the End of the World
Release party for our first full length album "Apéritif for Dysfunction"
Rancho Relaxo – Thurs. Dec. 20
Featuring Host Brendan Bane, Wesley of Well Rounded Hoops, Bella Fox of Nerd Girl Burlesque, and lounge-punks Conflicting Plaid

C - After spending months preparing for this event, I tried to be very sensible for the show. I took the day off work, had a big late lunch with just one drink to relax, went to a friends to do my makeup... but i forgot redbull! After load in i was just spazzing for it, and spazzing in general. 
D - Red Rain on tap at Rancho....It truly was a Christmas Miracle.
This was a gig we had been preparing for since March. And if it was that last night on earth, we were going to make damn sure it was well worth the price of admission!
M--The Red Rain on tap was the miracle from the Little Baby Elvis that we all needed. And how awesome is Dan for letting us book that show. He's either way too trusting or way too crazy...or way too drunk and forgets that he says we can do these things.  

Avec our charming MC, Monsieur Brendan Bane.

C - i was thrilled at how many people braved the weather and the holiday party exhaustion to haul themselves out to our show!
M--And there were a heap of peeps there to see the ever-awesome Conflicting Plaid, but who seemed to dig our schtick too. 

C- I haven't even seen the movie Cabaret, but apparently i was dressed as Liza Minelli. Glittery hotpants, garters, and a bowler. If only i knew how to tap dance or something!
D - The only way to outdo spandex...fishnet stockings! The things I will do for these girls!
Well, there's probably nothing I wouldn't do! All part of being a "team"! And I have to admit that fishnets are comfortable!
M--I didn't even have to play Barbie with you for this gig. You came up with that fishy ensemble all by yourself! 

C - Our dancing girls were super cute, and all gussied up cabaret style! We really are the luckiest little band in the world. 
D - I have to agree, even though I'm always obscured by ass! But it's always totally worth it!

C- the first set went really smoothly - we had only had one drink, and were so excited that most of our friends were there! for our last song we turned Prince's "1999" into "Last Day of the Mayan". seriously, that thing nearly wrote itself. I heard people cracking up - mission accomplished. 
D - Willkommen went over better than expected. I actually heard people laughing. I was afraid of bombing and disappionting the girls. But it worked out OK! Whew!
M--I was too sober. Entirely too sober. I fixed that, though. 

Skeeziest little band in the biz.

C- Wesley from Well Rounded Hoops was amazing! Very creative and intense. Bella Fox is an amazing burlesque dancer - her strut works a crowd like nobody's business!
M--I've never seen anyone have carnal relations with a hoola hoop like Wesley did. It was somehow both erotic and adorable. And Bella was a floofy heap o' fans! She's always lovely, and has the best smile when she's peeling her kit off. 

C- after our first "sober" set, we changed into christmas lingerie for the second set. good grief. but then we sipped a few cocktails. you know, for the nerves. Yeah. Spacker Dave found us doing makeup in the ladies room, and returned in a bit with a round of tequila shots for us, and a shot of air for himself. Yeah, that boy is a mystery! 
M--Heh, of all the whoredrobe we've collected over the years, I never thought we'd get two wearings out of the fuzzysluttySantasuits. Wise investments always pay off. Even when it's lingery. 

C- Doctor Apocalypse was there, and Brendan pulled him on stage for a chat. Mad scientists come to our party without warning. what the what? 
M--We are the mad scientists of rock. Doctor Apocalypse was just paying his professional respects. 
C- SONG IDEA - mad scientists of rock!!!!

C- the second set was a little looser and rowdier, but we weren't actually drunk. thank goodness, or oh well. we hadn't done "release the hostages" in a while... sadly, i didn't see any boobies. 
M--we were fuzzier in many ways. But yeah, you're right about the boobies. Hey Toronto--Brantford totally kicked your ass in the showing the boobs department. You really ought to up your game. 

C- on yeah - there was actually Killer Kool-Aid served. Grape, like Jim Jones used. one must be historically accurate when one is being truly tasteless. 
M--yet another reason that Rancho is my favourite bar ever--they let us bring our own Kool-Aid, and they serve it to people. They had no idea what kinda irresponsible things I coulda put in there, but they were just "Of course we can add vodka to this.".  
C- did you add extra crack? Do we have a crack budget yet, or are we still saving up for fancier shoes?
M--crack? Shoes? Crack...? Shoes...? D'UH! SHOES!

C- there were some full on blinding paparazzi moments. one person would shove us together to get a photo, then suddenly there were 5 people blasting flashes. if you wonder why i am pop-eyed and crazed looking in some of the shots, i swear i'm not on crack! 
D - It seems more and more fans want pictures! I'm not sure if they love us or plan to use them for blackmail purposes in the future!
M--That paparazzi scene was ~weird~! I mean, I know I'm all about looking like a rock star but I wouldn'ta though we were fooling anyone there. 
C- gak. that frightens me. Brendan's puppet friend frightened me a little too.M--You know, I'd like to think that my stellar whoredrobe selections for the evening had something to do with it, but, really, I think it was Doug's fishnets and pink booty shorts that they all wanted to get a picture of themselves with.  

C- i wish i could have chatted to everyone there for at least half an hour. but we were pulled in all directions. was crazy fun crowd. 
M--Epic night! So many people came out! So much fun!! 

And the girlies, they danced all night!

Look at us, all classy and sassy.

Buy the album!

Show Report - Halloween at Rancho Relaxo

"Cockblocked by my own codpiece. Not what I was expecting..."

with The Cheap Speakers (as RŸPE), Self Destructicus, Fade Chromatic

C - when we found out we were playing Halloween at Rancho, our first thought was 'which band shall we dress up as?' the choice was pretty obvious. but then Mandy went above & beyond the call as costume designer. Mandy, please describe the outfits?
M - Ohhh man, I may have got a little carried away, BUT it totally came together in an epic KISS pink! Doing the Paul Stanley costume was easy; figuring out how to do the demon horn shoulders and cod piece for the Gene Simmons outfit was trickier, 'till I had a genius inspiration: rubber chickens! Ohhh yeah, I totally rocked out with my cock out that night. Four cocks and a cockpiece, actually. All rubber. As they say, a feather is kinky... I'm so freakin' lucky I have a band that lets me play Barbie dolls with them, and really lucky that Doug didn't punch me when I gave him his Peter Kriss costume--a corseted, bedazzled wife beater and pink tights with holes where the thighs should be. 
D - Being the only KISS fan in the band (since 1975) KISS ARMY Class A-1 (1978) I knew it was time for new recruits! And Mandy definitely made sure that we were the pinkest KISS there ever was! KISS (the PINK)! Spandex & Pleather & Fishnet & Lace & Rubber (chickens) all came together at the hands of our insanely gifted Whoredrobe Conslutant! M - Doug, dude, I am not a KISS Army volunteer, just a poser, and I was definitely hands ~off~ after I cut those insanly optimistic glory holes in your tights. 

C- the ladies room was a hilarious mess of makeup & costume parts. glad that none of the women needing the restroom seemed to mind that Doug was in there changing & having his makeup done. 
D - it's O.K. I'll keep your dirty little girlie secrets safe! What goes on in the "ladies" (and I use that term loosely) room shall remain with me until my dying days! But it was 3 times more spacious and well lit compared to the dark, dump of a mens room!
M - There was so much hot pink makeup smearing the sink it look like we'd slaughtered a My Little Pony. 

C - when i popped out to get us a round of drinks (yes, washroom cocktails) there was actually applause. oh good grief. the pink is BRIGHT in the dark! i told them wait until you see the other two!!!
D - Oh shit! I've crammed myself into pink spandex and have exposed nipples! Um...Mandy. I think you might have cut the holes a little too large in these pants. That's not gonna leave much room for my "zucchini"! (Which was 1:1 scale in case anyone is / text me!)
M - Yeah, again, sorry about those holes. And I'll just trust you on the pants produce. 

C- RYPE (the cheap speakers in glam rock getup) were amazing!! so perfect! 
M - They were epic! They freed their minds, and their mulletfros followed...
C- i am not sure which i was more nervous about - the several  new songs, the guitar solo sections, or the severe lack of actual clothing. i chose to stop being nervous & just be spazzy excited instead. good call, i think
M - I was nervous about all the spandex dissolving on stage. There was nothing but some BeDazzles and unjustified optimism keeping them together. Kinda like my playing, come to think of it... However, I was not prepared for it when my cockpiece totally got in the way of my Littlest Hobo solo. Cockblocked by my own codpiece. Not what I was expecting...

C- our gorgeous dancing girl Kate was on stage from the start, and was soon joined by gorgeous dancing girls Tessa and Kelly. how the deuce did we get so lucky to have such adorable eye candy bouncing around? sorry if the audience couldn't see you, Doug, but i assume the view was worth it.
D - Just sit back and revel in the awesomeness of the "drum solo". Complete with sexy clambell holders, strobe light and light up drumsticks! (thanks again to Mandy of course)  Mandy singing "Cold Gin", myself doing "Do You Love Me" and Cynthia belting the ever popular "Liquored Up",  was 15 minutes of KISStory that will never make it in the biopic! (But wait....there is video, soon to be posted and shared on teh intarwebs!!!!)And Cyn...I always have the best view...and it's always worth it! :)
M - It's pretty freakin' awesome that we get the girlies up dancing. No wonder teenaged boys start bands. And Kate is great! She was up dancing all night! 

C- i found bendy straws that have built in drink umbrellas which worked perfectly in our mic stand cup holders. stylish!
D - I still vote for sippycups! And can I get a "twisty" straw? Seems more fitting! No umbrella required!
M - I'm still thinking that one of those baseball caps with the two beer holders and straws might be the most practical way to go. Or the bra with the built-in flask; that'd work too. But then I'd start the night a DD and end a B, and that's so not rock. 

C- Mid set, the lovely Matt brought us a huge round of tequila shots - enough for the dancing girlies too. sweet!
D - You really like Rock & Roll      All of the sleaze and shenanigans     You like dancing on our stage      And bring us tequila, cuz you're our friends.....BUT
M - YAY MATT! I love it when people pay attention to our instructions. And very sweet that he got the girlies liqoured up for us, too! 

C- i could not believe it when Dan handed me a pitcher of tequila & ice, rimmed with limes. okay, was only a quarter full, which is still a LOT of flippin' tequila! we poured ourselves full glasses then couldn't stop giggling 
D - Do you love me?    
      Do you love me?      
      Do you love me?  
      I mean like do ya?      
      Really love me?
M - Oh yes, the jug o' 'quila was a moment in history. Dan knows the way to our cirrhosed little livers... 

C - do you guys remember how many people we had on stage for last few songs? 
D - Those dancing girls up on the stage
      make me think of things obscene
      All the fans know we just ain't right
      from all the twitter posts they read....BUT
M - Doug's show report had become just words from his Kiss song. I think he's having flashbacks. Or he's still drunk. 

C - we are so lucky to have wonderful friends who not only come out to our shows, but stick around to help haul gear when we are exhausted. thanks Matt!
D - We? 
M - "We" being the two-thirds of the band with the charming personalities (*cough* boobs *cough*) that makes people want to help us haul gear. Thanks Matt!

C- i am a little worried about seeing this video. we likely looked cracktastic! 
M - I'm counting on it! After all the work I put into those costumes, I want us to look like we rode the crack train into town to pink the place up. I cannot freakin' wait to see the video and to get the letter from Uncle Gene threatening to sue our sorry pink asses. Gonna be awesome... 

C- if that was Halloween, can you imagine what we'll do to Rancho for out CD release party December 20th
D - All I can say is, if it is actually the "end of the world", I plan on going out with a bang! A huge bang!
M - Uh dude, are you talking about your pants produce again...?