Thursday, March 27, 2014

CONTEST: Write the HHLF Rider!

Create a Show Rider for High Heels Lo Fi Contest!

You may have heard tell of the legendary show rider--that part in the band’s contract to do a show where they add whatever it is they need to feel at one with their best, most creative selves. Some bands request the basics, like pop and sandwiches; Van Halen used to request “M&Ms (WARNING: ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES)”; Mariah Carey demanded twenty white kittens and one hundred doves *cough* twat *cough*, Hollerado asks for a dog for them to walk after the gig, and they promised to do their own stoop and scooping *cough* walk my dog, please *cough*. The band show rider is famous for a reason: musicians are certifiably insane.

So, here’s your chance to show how crazy you think we are: If you were HHLF’s manager, on the eve of HHLF’s First Final Massive Huge World Tour Of The Universe, what would you put in our show rider?

Entries will be judged on realism, surreality, creativity, insanity, and whatever appeals to our twisted sense of humour.

And what do you get for your managerial efforts for our imaginary comfort? Actual prizes!

The super awesome of top prize is guestlist for the winner and plus-one to the High Heels Lo Fi We Play With Boobies show on Friday April 25th, 2014 at Cherry Cola’s ~and also~ VIP seating at the show for the winner! Trust us--it’ll be a snazzy seat.

Sorta less awesome, but still pretty nifty not-top prizes are odd and assorted band paraphernalia to be determined when we clean out the hall closet at stately HHLF Manor.

Here’s how to do it:
1) Write up a rider for High Heels Lo Fi. (Google some examples--start with “fluffy pink pubic hair”.)
2) Post it as a note on Facebook, and tag our page (If you do not use Facebook, post it on your blog and then let us know on Twitter, or something.)
3) Email with a link to the rider, and your full name and email address. This is the MUST DO part--your entry won’t be valid without your email. Don’t just assume we’ll find it; we can’t find our way out of an LCBO bag.
4) Tell all of your friends how High Heels Lo Fi is the most amazingly fun band in the universe.
5) Post your entry and email us by noon on April 16th, 2014. Winner will be announced April 22nd.

Here are the rules. Of course our contest has rules; we’re rebels, not anarchists:
1) One entry per person. Although if you think of something hilarious after you post your rider, go ahead, add it to the original. We won’t judge you. At least not till after the 16th.
2) The winner must be able to get themselves to the High Heels Lo Fi performance on Friday April 25th at Cherry Cola’s, 200 Bathurst Street. Transportation to and from the show is YOUR business-we can’t fit you in the band smartcar. If you get ebola or whatever, let us know and we’ll transfer your prize to your friend or something.
3) Winners will be chosen by High Heels Lo Fi based on any damn criteria we make up. We are liable for nothing, responsible for nothing, and, well… pretty much good for nothing.
4) Band members are not allowed to enter. (Doug, you already have a chair.)
Also 4) A reasonable hand-drawn facsimile of the drummer will get you bonus points.
5) Is the magic number.
6) Pants optional.
7) Except that pants are mandatory for drummers.