Friday, December 20, 2013

Happy Holidays & 2013 In Review

High Heels Lo Fi - what the bleep happened in 2013?

*** GIGS ***

Jan 18 - toronto - Cameron House
March 28 - toronto - Lee's Palace, Bella's Burlesque Birthday
May 24 - toronto - bovine
May 25 - london - richmond tavern
May 26 - hamilton - the casbah lounge
June 20 - hamilton - club absinthe
June 25 - toronto - rancho - theatre event
July 6 - toronto - the rivoli
July 13 - oshawa - The Atria
August 7 - toronto - Cherry Cola
August 24 - Fergus - Kelly & Noah’s wedding
Sept 13 - toronto - cherry cola
Sept 15 - toronto - the black swan
Oct 16 - toronto - bovine - nerd night
Nov 1 - toronto - cherry cola - Day of the Dead
Nov 2 - brantford - therapy - Day of the Dead
Dec 14 - toronto - magpie taproom

Did you notice the Fergus show? We played at a wedding. This actually happened.

Wow - SEVENTEEN - the most shows we’ve played in one year since this band started. And there will be even more in 2014, as there will likely be some tour weekends. Look out!

Photos from Show #17 in convenient action movie form: Click here

Also coming up in 2014, another episode of We Play With Boobies - a night of Female-Fronted Rock Bands.

*** FUN STUFF ***

D: All the fun, All the time. This year made me realize just how much fun playing with these girls is. I’ve never seen such growth and determination. It makes me both proud and lucky to be part of this threesome. Look out we come!

C: Fun... we have been discovering how amazing it is to bully people with fun. It sounds sort of mean and pushy to force people to sing and dance, but every single time they look SO full of absolute GLEE when they’re done, I think a little pushiness is worth it. You can say we drag ladies to dance on stage because we’re pervs who like to amuse ourselves, or you could say we are pushing female empowerment, helping women claim their sexy power, and showing them it’s okay to take the spotlight sometimes. Nah, it’s likely just the perv thing.

M: We did all those gigs? No wonder I’m tired and blurry. So many good gigs, and the fact that we get so many cool people up on stage with us is epic--not just the random people we hijack into having fun with us, but our regular pranksters and prancers, like the Nerd Girls, our awesome High Lo Go Gos, and totally Noah and J, who take some really fantastic pictures of us. Thanks to alla you for making it so much fun for us!

*** PROMO ***

We were picked as a “Wild Card” for the CBC Music Hockey Night in Canada Songquest Contest! We’re very honoured to have dirtied up the ears of the lovely CBC folks. Although we didn’t make the Top 50, we shall unwrap our fingers from our martini glasses long enough to cross them for Washboard Hank!

We were featured on the internet radio program “Everything And The Kitchen Sink”, and on’s “Ruby Slippers”.

We also need YOU for promo in 2014, and hope you’ll wear your HHLF shirts and buttons as often as possible. Spread the word, tell your friends, tell the gal in line for poutine - we are Toronto’s wackiest party band!


Recipe - The Mexican Revolutionary
I was making French 75s for a party, but Cynthia doesn’t drink gin, so we substituted tequila instead. It was kinda a lot of awesome.
2 ounces tequila
1 ounce fresh lemon juice
1 ounce simple syrup
well-chilled dry sparkling wine, like cava or prosecco

Pour everything but the sparkling wine into a tall glass, and stir well, top with sparkling wine, and stir gently.

Recipe - The Suntanned Clit
Rocks Glass, 2 ice cubes, shot of Malibu Coconut Rum, shot of Peach Schnapps, squeeze 3 lime wedges into it, stir with butcher knife (if possible).
Why the name? Coconut smells like suntan lotion, and, to quote Nick Cage, "I could eat a peach all day".

Hiccup Cure
Okay drinkers, this has been working like a charm for me for the past several weeks, please let me know if it works for you. If you hiccup, raise your arms up in the air for about a minute. Since I’ve done this, I have never hiccuped twice. Pulls your diaphragm to a non-hiccupy angle or something.

Anything else we’ve learned / discovered?
Never, ever take Spadina to get anywhere in the city.
Smoke’s stays open late late late on extra long licence nights.
Olive oil is brilliant for cleaning off super-goop clown white makeup.


Goodnight, Sunrise
The Anti-Queens
Kraken Not Stirred
Thinly Veiled Double Entendres
The Alcohollys
Truth Panel
The Cheap Speakers
Brave Little Toaster
Halfway 2 Sanity
Slave to the Squarewave
Rulers of the Moon
The Howling Bullets
Suitcase Sam & The Suits

There are MANY more - Toronto is just seething with amazing music right now.
Thank you to everyone who gets out there and supports live music. YOU are the people who make this city magical!


We wish you a very merry holiday season, full of great food and wonderful friends.

High Heels Lo Fi
Cynthia * Mandy * Doug

Please join our sites & stay in touch!
- - - - - <<<--- click!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

We're a "Wild Card"!

... and we colour outside the blue lines!

CLICK HERE for the Songquest Hockey Song Contest Wild Card page and check us out!
Please visit Our CBC Music Page to vote for us (blue button halfway down, don't have to sign up!) and listen to Rhymes With Puck, our wildly inappropriate hockey song.

Hope to see you at our next show on Sat. Dec. 14 - for details!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Friday, July 5, 2013

Show Report - Tuesday June 25th, Rancho Relaxo

Theatre Trailers Live!

C - Movie trailers are usually the best part of the movie, so we were excited to see Theatre Trailers!

C -It was a fun night - HHLF played a short set, then 2 trailers, then another short set, 2 more trailers, then a slightly longer set to close the night. It was somehow less stressful playing 3 short sets. Interesting.

C -Our super cute High Lo Go Gos danced for some of the night, and we had a great crowd of ladies jump up for the last few songs. Theatre people really dig yelling and waving pompoms. I guess they’re used to being a bit wacky.

C -Since it was a theatre event, I thought this would be a good chance to dress up as one of my favourite characters from the theatre - Miss Hannigan from Annie. (Carol Burnett really knocked that one out of the park, right?) It didn’t strike me until later that her most iconic outfit was the little nightie. Dammit. Oh well. (Ever try to dry sweaty hands so you can play guitar, but you’re wearing thin polyester? I had to wipe my hands on GoGoKelly’s cotton skirt. Nice ass. Heehee!)

D - The only thing hotter than our GoGos was the temperature on stage!

C -Luckily, Mandy & Doug seemed happy to step up, but with Doug immediately refusing to be Annie. Fair enough. He was a great Daddy Warbucks, but suits are HOT so the last set was shirtless. (You’re welcome, ladies.) Mandy was the cutest Sandy puppy of all time, although she must have fried wearing fur in that heat & humidity. Oh well, that’s Rock & Roll!

C -Any night that ends with the sound princess wearing your band’s tshirt is a great freakin night!

D - I believe we all agreed on “sound goddess” instead of princess?

C - whoops - you're right! goddess!

D - So freakin’ hot! Hope nobody minded that I packed up my drums in just my undergitch. At least I left them on for a change! :-p

Be sure to check out “Offers of Home” this July -

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Show Report - Hamilton, June 20th

(feeling poetic today)

lack of traffic
hamilton waits
sun up mandy's nose

early for once
a christmas miracle
smells like lemon cleaner

pink glitter tiara
doug must wear tonight
saved by little girl’s claim

mexican restaurant
fuel for the fires of rock
tequila, it's time

plastic is offered
server buys us a round
damn good sign

this mad desire
both rock and roll
first set groovy

our turn on stage
kicking ass taking names
bouncy drunk rock

big energy created
screaming laughing rocking
fuckin awesome set

goodnight sunrise
amazingly brilliant
glow stick cherry on top

Album Review!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Show Report - Fear And Loathing In The Golden Horseshoe

Show Report - The Dolls With Balls mini-tour

   “We can’t stop here...this is beaver country”

                       May 24th, The Bovine (Toronto) w/ The Alcohollys, Anti-Queens
                       May 25th, The Richmond (London) w/ The Alcohollys, Anti-Queens
                       May 26th, The Casbah (Hamilton) w/ The Alcohollys, Anti-Queens,
                                                                                    The Creepshow

This mini-tour was long-awaited and had us excited beyond our wildest dreams. (Well, maybe Doug’s wildest dreams!) Three cities in three nights, Mandy’s birthday, and three bands stacked full of chicks who rock like there’s no tomorrow!

It all started on Friday...
May 24th at the Bovine Sex Club in Toronto...
How better to celebrate Mandy’s birthday than with 120+ of our closest friends? The evening’s goal was to keep Miss Mandy reasonably “sober” enough to play a set, while making sure there was still enough “sheMandigans” throughout the night!
The Anti-Queens were first to take the stage and played a set of pure power/pop/punk that would put Greenday to shame on any given day. Three girls in matching striped two-tone pants rocking it hard--singer/guitarist Emily Bones definitely has an awesome growl; Mary Deth is cute as a button thrashing on bass; and Lindsay Bird rocked it with solid drumming all the way. Watch out for these girls, they’re poised to take over. As much fun to watch as they are listen to.
We were up next. Loretta Jean of Nerd Girl Burlesque graced us with her amazing assel skills once again. Devilishly divine and as sweet as tequila itself, ahe is always a crowd pleaser! (And an “us” pleaser as well). Our own High Lo Go-Gos took the stage in matching pink and black striped tank tops for the next number. Every single one of them, a hot distraction and busting out all of the sexiest dance moves!Poor Doug is forever obscured by ass, but he hasn’t complained yet. How could he? Really!
Finally, it was time for the grand finale. Unbeknownst to Mandy, at the end of “Big Dumb Rock Song”, Doug was to “debass” (not debase) her of the Harlot, the High Lo Go-Gos were to hold her still while special guest, the dapper and debonair (not deboner) Romeo Satin, jumped up on stage to serenade her with her favourite *namesake ballad*! Which was abruptly cut short and replaced with a Mandy birthday rap with such lines as “All the boys lining up outside the Smart to get some” and “Let me be your Theo so I can bury my bone”! Once the song was finished, it was time to do what we do best--resume the sheMandigans!

The Alcohollys took the stage and rocked it hard for a solid 45 minutes, with fun originals, like Lock Stock Lola, and an excellent cover of the Cars “Let’s Go”. Kittie drummer Mercedes Lander (Ruby Pubey) plays louder than most drummers, male or female. (Not that that’s a bad thing) Definitely twice the volume that Doug plays at. Kittie bassist Tanya Candler (Scarlet Fever) is solid on the G string. Bree (Maiden China) was lost in a swirl of power chords and leads underneath her flowing locks, a la Slash and Johnny Ramone. And Dana Hartman (Kimber Hart) is a superb vocalist and keyboardist. These girls rock--sexy and smart!

By the end of the night Mandy had the birthday shots:blood ratio working, so we were treated to intellectual musings like “shhhhhhh... be quiet, I’m emailing my mom”, and “POUTINE... fuck yeah!!!”. As for the rest of night...Well, we’ll let Mandy decide what she wants to disclose...or not!
M--I ate poutine; I went to bed; life was good...and not too hung over in the morning. Best birthday ever!
Best parts of the night? So much prancing; poutine; finally sharing the stage with the one-and-only (thank goodness) Romeo Satin.

*NOTE* Mandy despises the Manilow classic in any form!
*NOTE* M--seriously, I will shiv

I always look forward to the road trips...
Saturday, May 25th at the Richmond in London, ON
Night 2

London has to be one of our favourite places to play, and The Richmond Hotel is just one of those bars that looks like your typical local dive, and it pretty much is, according to the locals. But the crusty boozehounds that frequent the joint love us and get us.

With the mom-mobile packed, Red Rain in abundance, and Mandy channelling her best Hunter S. Thompson it was time to hit the road...Somewhere along the 403 just past Hamilton, we vined Mandy. She seemed in good spirits considering the night before, and having to negotiate with her mom for the mom-mobile at 9:30 a.m.  

Pulled into London and met up with our official band photographer-turned-video producer, Jason and Stephanie, our official stunt ass (check our album photos!) then off to the hotel to “whore up” for the show. The hotel parking only had one space left, between a wall and some douchenozzle who decided to take up a space and a half, leaving one tight spot for Mandy to maneuver the mom-mobile into with a little guidance from the rest of us. It was so tight she had to wiggle out of the van, thus causing injury to her “nature’s pocket” as Stephanie put it!
M--A bruised box ~is~ kinda rock n’ roll.

Once we got to The Richmond, there was “theraquila” and warm up drinks, small talk with the cutest bartender around, and the start of another Rock and Roll extravaganza! Same order as the previous night, no time restrictions, and a bar full of super cool fans. It went off without a hitch and everyone rocked as hard as the night before.
We tried two new shots--The Liquid Chicken, that tasted like hot wings, and the Shitty Mike, that as Mike described it, “it’s nasty and leaves a horrible taste in your mouth.”  Doug missed out on the Shitty Mikes but made up for it with double Irish Car Bombs. Once again we managed to run the bar out of tequila. Seems to be our curse! Or maybe it’s a blessing. No...curse!

Best parts of the night? Mercedes brought us a round of shots to the stage; a bartab under a C-note (usually a challenge); post-gig shawarma at Baracat!
M--seriously, that shwarma is ridiculously good, and I’m so glad I got two, ‘cause I was eating that second one for about three more days.

We’re playing the Casbah upstairs and we’ve been added to The Creepshow gig? Oh yeah!
Sunday, May 26th at the Casbah in Hamilton, ON
Night 3
At the beginning of the mini-tour, we weren’t even sure we were going to play the end, owing to a scheduling cockup in Hamilton, but the gods of rock came through for us, and we got a way better gig than we could have hoped for--opening for The Creepshow, a real band!
This is Doug’s hometown, and yay for Doug’s dad! He’s a huge fan now that we’re holding Doug hostage, and he came out to support. And he’s now a fan of the Anti-Queens and Alcohollys as well.

We went first, rocking a set as short as Cyn’s skirt, and despite some technical difficulty with an uncooperative microphone cable, we pulled it off, and got the hell of the stage--there was minimal drinking time that night; we had to be efficient.

The Anti-Queens and Alcohollys continued to rock the night, and the Creepshow brought their brand of surfy-psycho-billity that they’re known for. These cats throw down! And of course they have to be fronted by what can be called “Doug’s kryptonite”!

Best parts of the night? The bar didn’t run out of tequila; there were multiple shots of tequila bought for us; TEQUILA!

And thus ended the Dolls With Balls mini-tour. It was a great 3 days, with great girls (and Doug) and we can’t wait to do it again. Next stops? Ottawa? Montreal? Kingston? Shawinigan???

Thanks to Mercedes, Dana, Tanya, Bree, Emily, Mary and Lindsay!  You dolls rock!

(This show report brought to you by Doug, since Cyn & Mandy were in Brooklyn, drinking themselves into a vacation coma. ) 

Friday, May 10, 2013

Spin class in heels & hotpants?

...with wine glasses for our water - we'll do anything to amuse  Goodnight, Sunrise ! Their video shoot was a blast - check out some photos here:

Thursday, April 11, 2013

3 upcoming shows!

Toronto • London • Hamilton!

wait - in one weekend? and it's Mandy's birthday on the first night?
hold onto your britches, this might get tweaked. 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Show Report - Assels, Glam Rock, Clutching Mandy's Pearls

Show Report - May 28th - Lee’s Palace
Bella’s Dirty Thirty Burlesque Birthday Dance Party

C - Did that actually happen, or was it a cheesy dream episode?
D - Can Bella turn “Thirty” every weekend? 
M--It did actually happen, it was totally A Very Special Episode, and it would be awesome if Bella could be 30 every weekend even though I’m pretty sure it would kill me... totally worth it. 

C - Actual conversation with the sound dude:
Me - “If there is anything we can do to make your world easier, just holler.”
Him - “Die?” (laughs)
Me - fake-laughs, backs away. 
Ask Bella privately about her B-O-D theory. She may be right. 
D- It’s too bad years of bad bands and shitty pot have made said sound guy a
B-O-D. But he is a good sound man, I’ll give the motherf***** that!
M--Yeah, he certainly added a sense of adventure to the evening, along with a sense of surl. 

C - I was running around like a spazz taking care of last minute things, when finally, just past 8:30 doors, I had 10 minutes to run to washroom to do my vocal warmups. (Sorry to anyone who had to pee while I was making crazy noises in there! Gee-YAH, Gee-YAH, Gee-YAH!) When I got back downstairs, the place was full of people! I was instantly relieved. And, thanks for everyone who came early and warmed the room up. It was COLD in there until all of you hot people arrived!
D - From what Bella and yourself put into this night. I would say it was a huge success! Two 
thumbs up and whatever else was “up” in the process!
C - Very glad you were wearing pants instead of fishnets. 
M--I kept doing laps of the room like a hamster, pulling the “oh, I see someone else I have to say hi to!” so I could keep running around. It was partly nerves, mostly trying to stay warm. But it was really awesome to see so many people there!   

C - Pavlov’s Dogs Handbell Ensemble were amazing. They were super tight, and bells just ring right through you. It’s one of those things that will sound nice recorded, but amazing live. There is just no comparison. 
D - Thankfully they’re not Pavlog’s Dogs Bagpipe Ensemble! Not that there’s anything wrong
with that! OK, there’s a lot wrong with that!
M--Seriously, is there anything better than nerdy tunes on hand bells? So pretty... 

C - Perhaps our Whoredrobe Conslutant could explain our getups this time around?
D - Yes, Mandy...And explain how even your amp was “dressed” for the occasion!
M--Yeah, since we were finally playing the classic rock venue, it seemed like the time to bust out some classic glam rock. And I thought Cyn would totally rock the Ziggy Stardust. So she got to be Alladin Sane, I was Keith Richards circa Altamont (sans Hells Angels security), because I’m not a Stones fan, but damn they were stylish back then, and Doug was the inimitable Bun E. Carlos. Because if you’re going to pretend to be rockstars, you might as well pretend to be stylish rockstars. And Cyn needed another occasion to wear those crazed silver boots. 
Oh yeah, and for once, the pants on the drum kit weren’t the drummer’s, and the thong dangling from my amp, also not the drummer’s. When we got on stage to set up, I discovered that my amp had been dressed with the casually tossed frillies of one the Nerd Girls. I think I squealed and insisted that Doug take a bunch of pictures, because when is anything that awesome likely to happen again? 

C - Our very first song featured Loretta Jean, the slinky little Devil - apparently drinking tequila makes her naughty. I cannot blame myself for missing a few chords with this super hot distraction dancing right beside me! Video Proof:
D - ASSELS! That is all!
M--Assels was the new word I learned, and I can’t tell you how much it’s improved my life. But watch the video--they can improve your life too! 

C - The night was jam packed full of “OMG this is amazing and I cannot believe this is real!!!” moments, but one really sticks out. After Lucky’s number, it was time for Mississauga Booty Call, and for our HighLoGoGos (Kate, Tess, Bailey, Kelly, Ashley, Lucy Loop) to slink onto the stage. I looked to my left to make sure Mandy and Doug were ready to roll, and saw the girlies at the bottom of the ramp, in their amazing outfits, pink warpaint under each right eye, practically bouncing with the anticipation of launching themselves onto the stage. If I were a girl, I would have gotten a little teary right then. But that would cause my throat to close, and there was still much more rock & roll to sing. Heh heh. The crowd reaction when they came on was fantastic! Like, wow, even MORE dancers? Woohoo! The girls really brought it. I cannot believe how perfect they were. Check it out:
D - Oh, the horrors I have to endure in the name of Rock & Roll! NOT! :)
M--I looked over too, just as Bailey was slinking up the ramp, and had a “oh MAN this is gonna be good!” moment too. 
Also, I would like to point out that I managed to make it through Lucky Freemont’s Littlest Hobo without turning into a squealing puddle of giggles, like we all feared I would. I think there were some tea kettle noises and pearl-clutching after he finished--I’m not sure, his whole number was all a bit of a blur of just trying to stay on the train--but I kept it together...well, as much as I ever do. 

C - Just before Big Dumb Rock Song, as the pom-poms were being thrown at everyone, I hollered for more ladies to join us on stage. I could see two guys in front grabbing the pom-poms, laughing, but then talking seriously and nodding at the stage. Next thing I knew, they were at the bottom of the ramp, being all, “no YOU go first!”. Haha! They ran onto the stage & jumped & rocked out with the gals. Good for you guys! I hope they heard me scream, Hell Yeah!  I always ask for ladies first, since I just think there needs to be more chicks onstage and in rock in general. But if you want to jump & scream, get your ass up here! 
D - Obscured by ass...again! What a world, what a world!
C - I sort of feel bad that you’re invisible in a lot of the photos, but then I see the cuties blocking you and figure you don’t mind so much. 
M--It’s always a musical challenge when there are that many people jumping around on stage. I’m always worried someone is going to take out an amp, or trip over a cord, or get whacked by The Harlot and require first aid. But it’s always insane fun to try to play around everyone swarming the stage. 

C - Okay seriously, how many people were up there for the last song? 12 to 15? When everyone jumped, you could feel it. Also, the contest of Loretta Jean’s tassles twirling vs. my voice holding the long note was hilarious to me. Obviously she won. Wow:

C -Late night poutine afterparty at Doug’s! I wondered why people in Acme Burger were looking at me strangely, I figured I was just being loud and spazzy. Oh right, I had a melted red lightning bolt across my face. Whoops. CLASSY. That’s me!
D - Puttin’ the ASS in CLASSY! That’s us! Mmmmmm...poutine!
C - Who invented sweet potato poutine? I need to hug you.
M--Gin and poutine is why I do this thing called rock. Well, that and the excuse to dress like a rockstar. Oh yeah, and the artistic expres...ah, I can’t even type that with a straight face. I just do it for the gin and poutine.

C - If you misssed this show, you should cry yourself to sleep for a few nights. But then you should mark your calendar - we’ll be at the Bovine Sex Club May 24th with The Alcohollys and The Anti-Queens! For those outside of Toronto, we’re in London May 25th at the Richmond Tavern, and Hamilton May 26 at This Ain’t Hollywood. Also, May 24 is Mandy’s.... secret special day of celebration? It’s going to get ROWDY!
D - YEP!
M--I’m a little afraid my liver won’t make it through that’s gonna be awesome!!! 
C - Going to name your liver The Energizer Bunny!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Canadian Music Week!

Look for the hot pink jackets and the pink & black & red hair - we'll give you free earplugs if you yell "OMG it's High Heels Lo Fi!"
Okay, we'll give you the earplugs even if you just say Hi. :)

You're coming to our Lee's Palace Burlesque Show on March 28th, right?


Friday, March 8, 2013

Show Report: "lack of undergitch is a totally valid technical difficulty."

Show Report - Friday January 18, 2013
The Cameron House with Fitzroy Terrors

C - It was a dark and stormy night, so I fueled up on chicken curry & cajun fries, 'cuz that's how I roll. By the time I got to Cameron House I was actually really relaxed. Which is weird. 

C - It was lovely not having to haul amps. Thanks Fitzroy boys! Just guitars & pedals & cruise on in. Jason even had a sassy pair of white high heels sitting on top of his amp! There was a hot pink piece of satin draped on the piano that, had it been much tinier, I would have assumed was Mandy's undergitch. 

D - Yes, if that pink satin guitar case liner had been underwear, there would have been enough room for all 3 of us in there! On the other hand, Mandy's Lucky Rock Star undergitch doesn't look like it covers anything at all. How comfortable could that be? Floss much?
At least we located it so that the show could go on!
C- i actually went around and told a bunch of people to please not be alarmed, our set would start as soon as our bass player found her lucky underthong. they looked terrified but laughed politely.
M--It was totally awesome not having to deal with amps, a little terrifying when my lucky rockstar gitch disappeared, and yeah--I'll never leave the drummer in charge of my gitch again. He doesn't know where they go. 
...and lack of undergitch is a totally valid technical difficulty. 

C - Great crowd, great conversation, great venue. Listened to a whole lotta Zeppelin waiting for Fitzroy Terrors to start. good times.
D - bad know I've had my share! When the woman left home with a brown eyed man, I didn't seem to care...

C - funny, i wasn't nervous at all about our set but i was on my way to terrified to sing along on FT's song "Creep". I just didn't know it super well and didn't want to mess it up. but i think it went okay - guys?
D -Seemed fine to me! I couldn't see / hear a thing from back there! I had to follow the clambell!

C - Mandy! the clambell slide was epic!
M--That was some unusual rock n' rollery. 

C - although my cocktail dress was the longest skirt i've worn in months, it was so tight & tricky it required two girlies to help lace me into it. heehee!
D - But more many girlies helped you out of it? :)
C- unfortunately none, and there was a tickling attack from the buddy who unlaced the back for me. eeek!
M--I know. I felt totally overdressed and awkward. No more of this trying to look classy bollocks. 

C - our dancing girls Kate & Kelly were amazing! such great energy for the whole set!

C - also, people were dancing for most of the set - sometimes to songs that i wouldn't have pegged as a dance song, but what do i know, right?
D - Haha, you said "pegged"! 

C - Big Dumb Rock Song featured both bands, with Jason on guitar so i could just stand around and sing. that tune rocks with a killer guitar solo in it! awesomesauce. 
M--The supergroup was fun!

C - poor sound tech Frank not only had to deal with our silliness, but a front speaker that conked out - so he had to work around by panning everything left & pulling magic tricks out of a hat & switching microphone weirdness. but he kept the rock rockin! thanks!

C - Mandy, please tell the tale of the strange blonde guy at the Poutinerie :)
M--Ahhh yes, we were still all whore'd up from the gig, and stopped for poutine across from a venerable old strip club, Filmores. We were chatting with the nice young man behind us in line and mentioned that we'd just done a show; his reply was "Oh, were you on at Filmore's?" and then when we stopped cackling like loons long enough to explain that we're in a band, he was really really really profusely and repeatedly apologetic. It was rather adorable. 



I've never seen anyone have carnal relations with a hoola hoop

Show Report - Cabaret at the End of the World
Release party for our first full length album "Apéritif for Dysfunction"
Rancho Relaxo – Thurs. Dec. 20
Featuring Host Brendan Bane, Wesley of Well Rounded Hoops, Bella Fox of Nerd Girl Burlesque, and lounge-punks Conflicting Plaid

C - After spending months preparing for this event, I tried to be very sensible for the show. I took the day off work, had a big late lunch with just one drink to relax, went to a friends to do my makeup... but i forgot redbull! After load in i was just spazzing for it, and spazzing in general. 
D - Red Rain on tap at Rancho....It truly was a Christmas Miracle.
This was a gig we had been preparing for since March. And if it was that last night on earth, we were going to make damn sure it was well worth the price of admission!
M--The Red Rain on tap was the miracle from the Little Baby Elvis that we all needed. And how awesome is Dan for letting us book that show. He's either way too trusting or way too crazy...or way too drunk and forgets that he says we can do these things.  

Avec our charming MC, Monsieur Brendan Bane.

C - i was thrilled at how many people braved the weather and the holiday party exhaustion to haul themselves out to our show!
M--And there were a heap of peeps there to see the ever-awesome Conflicting Plaid, but who seemed to dig our schtick too. 

C- I haven't even seen the movie Cabaret, but apparently i was dressed as Liza Minelli. Glittery hotpants, garters, and a bowler. If only i knew how to tap dance or something!
D - The only way to outdo spandex...fishnet stockings! The things I will do for these girls!
Well, there's probably nothing I wouldn't do! All part of being a "team"! And I have to admit that fishnets are comfortable!
M--I didn't even have to play Barbie with you for this gig. You came up with that fishy ensemble all by yourself! 

C - Our dancing girls were super cute, and all gussied up cabaret style! We really are the luckiest little band in the world. 
D - I have to agree, even though I'm always obscured by ass! But it's always totally worth it!

C- the first set went really smoothly - we had only had one drink, and were so excited that most of our friends were there! for our last song we turned Prince's "1999" into "Last Day of the Mayan". seriously, that thing nearly wrote itself. I heard people cracking up - mission accomplished. 
D - Willkommen went over better than expected. I actually heard people laughing. I was afraid of bombing and disappionting the girls. But it worked out OK! Whew!
M--I was too sober. Entirely too sober. I fixed that, though. 

Skeeziest little band in the biz.

C- Wesley from Well Rounded Hoops was amazing! Very creative and intense. Bella Fox is an amazing burlesque dancer - her strut works a crowd like nobody's business!
M--I've never seen anyone have carnal relations with a hoola hoop like Wesley did. It was somehow both erotic and adorable. And Bella was a floofy heap o' fans! She's always lovely, and has the best smile when she's peeling her kit off. 

C- after our first "sober" set, we changed into christmas lingerie for the second set. good grief. but then we sipped a few cocktails. you know, for the nerves. Yeah. Spacker Dave found us doing makeup in the ladies room, and returned in a bit with a round of tequila shots for us, and a shot of air for himself. Yeah, that boy is a mystery! 
M--Heh, of all the whoredrobe we've collected over the years, I never thought we'd get two wearings out of the fuzzysluttySantasuits. Wise investments always pay off. Even when it's lingery. 

C- Doctor Apocalypse was there, and Brendan pulled him on stage for a chat. Mad scientists come to our party without warning. what the what? 
M--We are the mad scientists of rock. Doctor Apocalypse was just paying his professional respects. 
C- SONG IDEA - mad scientists of rock!!!!

C- the second set was a little looser and rowdier, but we weren't actually drunk. thank goodness, or oh well. we hadn't done "release the hostages" in a while... sadly, i didn't see any boobies. 
M--we were fuzzier in many ways. But yeah, you're right about the boobies. Hey Toronto--Brantford totally kicked your ass in the showing the boobs department. You really ought to up your game. 

C- on yeah - there was actually Killer Kool-Aid served. Grape, like Jim Jones used. one must be historically accurate when one is being truly tasteless. 
M--yet another reason that Rancho is my favourite bar ever--they let us bring our own Kool-Aid, and they serve it to people. They had no idea what kinda irresponsible things I coulda put in there, but they were just "Of course we can add vodka to this.".  
C- did you add extra crack? Do we have a crack budget yet, or are we still saving up for fancier shoes?
M--crack? Shoes? Crack...? Shoes...? D'UH! SHOES!

C- there were some full on blinding paparazzi moments. one person would shove us together to get a photo, then suddenly there were 5 people blasting flashes. if you wonder why i am pop-eyed and crazed looking in some of the shots, i swear i'm not on crack! 
D - It seems more and more fans want pictures! I'm not sure if they love us or plan to use them for blackmail purposes in the future!
M--That paparazzi scene was ~weird~! I mean, I know I'm all about looking like a rock star but I wouldn'ta though we were fooling anyone there. 
C- gak. that frightens me. Brendan's puppet friend frightened me a little too.M--You know, I'd like to think that my stellar whoredrobe selections for the evening had something to do with it, but, really, I think it was Doug's fishnets and pink booty shorts that they all wanted to get a picture of themselves with.  

C- i wish i could have chatted to everyone there for at least half an hour. but we were pulled in all directions. was crazy fun crowd. 
M--Epic night! So many people came out! So much fun!! 

And the girlies, they danced all night!

Look at us, all classy and sassy.

Buy the album!

Show Report - Halloween at Rancho Relaxo

"Cockblocked by my own codpiece. Not what I was expecting..."

with The Cheap Speakers (as RŸPE), Self Destructicus, Fade Chromatic

C - when we found out we were playing Halloween at Rancho, our first thought was 'which band shall we dress up as?' the choice was pretty obvious. but then Mandy went above & beyond the call as costume designer. Mandy, please describe the outfits?
M - Ohhh man, I may have got a little carried away, BUT it totally came together in an epic KISS pink! Doing the Paul Stanley costume was easy; figuring out how to do the demon horn shoulders and cod piece for the Gene Simmons outfit was trickier, 'till I had a genius inspiration: rubber chickens! Ohhh yeah, I totally rocked out with my cock out that night. Four cocks and a cockpiece, actually. All rubber. As they say, a feather is kinky... I'm so freakin' lucky I have a band that lets me play Barbie dolls with them, and really lucky that Doug didn't punch me when I gave him his Peter Kriss costume--a corseted, bedazzled wife beater and pink tights with holes where the thighs should be. 
D - Being the only KISS fan in the band (since 1975) KISS ARMY Class A-1 (1978) I knew it was time for new recruits! And Mandy definitely made sure that we were the pinkest KISS there ever was! KISS (the PINK)! Spandex & Pleather & Fishnet & Lace & Rubber (chickens) all came together at the hands of our insanely gifted Whoredrobe Conslutant! M - Doug, dude, I am not a KISS Army volunteer, just a poser, and I was definitely hands ~off~ after I cut those insanly optimistic glory holes in your tights. 

C- the ladies room was a hilarious mess of makeup & costume parts. glad that none of the women needing the restroom seemed to mind that Doug was in there changing & having his makeup done. 
D - it's O.K. I'll keep your dirty little girlie secrets safe! What goes on in the "ladies" (and I use that term loosely) room shall remain with me until my dying days! But it was 3 times more spacious and well lit compared to the dark, dump of a mens room!
M - There was so much hot pink makeup smearing the sink it look like we'd slaughtered a My Little Pony. 

C - when i popped out to get us a round of drinks (yes, washroom cocktails) there was actually applause. oh good grief. the pink is BRIGHT in the dark! i told them wait until you see the other two!!!
D - Oh shit! I've crammed myself into pink spandex and have exposed nipples! Um...Mandy. I think you might have cut the holes a little too large in these pants. That's not gonna leave much room for my "zucchini"! (Which was 1:1 scale in case anyone is / text me!)
M - Yeah, again, sorry about those holes. And I'll just trust you on the pants produce. 

C- RYPE (the cheap speakers in glam rock getup) were amazing!! so perfect! 
M - They were epic! They freed their minds, and their mulletfros followed...
C- i am not sure which i was more nervous about - the several  new songs, the guitar solo sections, or the severe lack of actual clothing. i chose to stop being nervous & just be spazzy excited instead. good call, i think
M - I was nervous about all the spandex dissolving on stage. There was nothing but some BeDazzles and unjustified optimism keeping them together. Kinda like my playing, come to think of it... However, I was not prepared for it when my cockpiece totally got in the way of my Littlest Hobo solo. Cockblocked by my own codpiece. Not what I was expecting...

C- our gorgeous dancing girl Kate was on stage from the start, and was soon joined by gorgeous dancing girls Tessa and Kelly. how the deuce did we get so lucky to have such adorable eye candy bouncing around? sorry if the audience couldn't see you, Doug, but i assume the view was worth it.
D - Just sit back and revel in the awesomeness of the "drum solo". Complete with sexy clambell holders, strobe light and light up drumsticks! (thanks again to Mandy of course)  Mandy singing "Cold Gin", myself doing "Do You Love Me" and Cynthia belting the ever popular "Liquored Up",  was 15 minutes of KISStory that will never make it in the biopic! (But wait....there is video, soon to be posted and shared on teh intarwebs!!!!)And Cyn...I always have the best view...and it's always worth it! :)
M - It's pretty freakin' awesome that we get the girlies up dancing. No wonder teenaged boys start bands. And Kate is great! She was up dancing all night! 

C- i found bendy straws that have built in drink umbrellas which worked perfectly in our mic stand cup holders. stylish!
D - I still vote for sippycups! And can I get a "twisty" straw? Seems more fitting! No umbrella required!
M - I'm still thinking that one of those baseball caps with the two beer holders and straws might be the most practical way to go. Or the bra with the built-in flask; that'd work too. But then I'd start the night a DD and end a B, and that's so not rock. 

C- Mid set, the lovely Matt brought us a huge round of tequila shots - enough for the dancing girlies too. sweet!
D - You really like Rock & Roll      All of the sleaze and shenanigans     You like dancing on our stage      And bring us tequila, cuz you're our friends.....BUT
M - YAY MATT! I love it when people pay attention to our instructions. And very sweet that he got the girlies liqoured up for us, too! 

C- i could not believe it when Dan handed me a pitcher of tequila & ice, rimmed with limes. okay, was only a quarter full, which is still a LOT of flippin' tequila! we poured ourselves full glasses then couldn't stop giggling 
D - Do you love me?    
      Do you love me?      
      Do you love me?  
      I mean like do ya?      
      Really love me?
M - Oh yes, the jug o' 'quila was a moment in history. Dan knows the way to our cirrhosed little livers... 

C - do you guys remember how many people we had on stage for last few songs? 
D - Those dancing girls up on the stage
      make me think of things obscene
      All the fans know we just ain't right
      from all the twitter posts they read....BUT
M - Doug's show report had become just words from his Kiss song. I think he's having flashbacks. Or he's still drunk. 

C - we are so lucky to have wonderful friends who not only come out to our shows, but stick around to help haul gear when we are exhausted. thanks Matt!
D - We? 
M - "We" being the two-thirds of the band with the charming personalities (*cough* boobs *cough*) that makes people want to help us haul gear. Thanks Matt!

C- i am a little worried about seeing this video. we likely looked cracktastic! 
M - I'm counting on it! After all the work I put into those costumes, I want us to look like we rode the crack train into town to pink the place up. I cannot freakin' wait to see the video and to get the letter from Uncle Gene threatening to sue our sorry pink asses. Gonna be awesome... 

C- if that was Halloween, can you imagine what we'll do to Rancho for out CD release party December 20th
D - All I can say is, if it is actually the "end of the world", I plan on going out with a bang! A huge bang!
M - Uh dude, are you talking about your pants produce again...?