Friday, March 8, 2013

Show Report - Halloween at Rancho Relaxo

"Cockblocked by my own codpiece. Not what I was expecting..."

with The Cheap Speakers (as RŸPE), Self Destructicus, Fade Chromatic

C - when we found out we were playing Halloween at Rancho, our first thought was 'which band shall we dress up as?' the choice was pretty obvious. but then Mandy went above & beyond the call as costume designer. Mandy, please describe the outfits?
M - Ohhh man, I may have got a little carried away, BUT it totally came together in an epic KISS pink! Doing the Paul Stanley costume was easy; figuring out how to do the demon horn shoulders and cod piece for the Gene Simmons outfit was trickier, 'till I had a genius inspiration: rubber chickens! Ohhh yeah, I totally rocked out with my cock out that night. Four cocks and a cockpiece, actually. All rubber. As they say, a feather is kinky... I'm so freakin' lucky I have a band that lets me play Barbie dolls with them, and really lucky that Doug didn't punch me when I gave him his Peter Kriss costume--a corseted, bedazzled wife beater and pink tights with holes where the thighs should be. 
D - Being the only KISS fan in the band (since 1975) KISS ARMY Class A-1 (1978) I knew it was time for new recruits! And Mandy definitely made sure that we were the pinkest KISS there ever was! KISS (the PINK)! Spandex & Pleather & Fishnet & Lace & Rubber (chickens) all came together at the hands of our insanely gifted Whoredrobe Conslutant! M - Doug, dude, I am not a KISS Army volunteer, just a poser, and I was definitely hands ~off~ after I cut those insanly optimistic glory holes in your tights. 

C- the ladies room was a hilarious mess of makeup & costume parts. glad that none of the women needing the restroom seemed to mind that Doug was in there changing & having his makeup done. 
D - it's O.K. I'll keep your dirty little girlie secrets safe! What goes on in the "ladies" (and I use that term loosely) room shall remain with me until my dying days! But it was 3 times more spacious and well lit compared to the dark, dump of a mens room!
M - There was so much hot pink makeup smearing the sink it look like we'd slaughtered a My Little Pony. 

C - when i popped out to get us a round of drinks (yes, washroom cocktails) there was actually applause. oh good grief. the pink is BRIGHT in the dark! i told them wait until you see the other two!!!
D - Oh shit! I've crammed myself into pink spandex and have exposed nipples! Um...Mandy. I think you might have cut the holes a little too large in these pants. That's not gonna leave much room for my "zucchini"! (Which was 1:1 scale in case anyone is / text me!)
M - Yeah, again, sorry about those holes. And I'll just trust you on the pants produce. 

C- RYPE (the cheap speakers in glam rock getup) were amazing!! so perfect! 
M - They were epic! They freed their minds, and their mulletfros followed...
C- i am not sure which i was more nervous about - the several  new songs, the guitar solo sections, or the severe lack of actual clothing. i chose to stop being nervous & just be spazzy excited instead. good call, i think
M - I was nervous about all the spandex dissolving on stage. There was nothing but some BeDazzles and unjustified optimism keeping them together. Kinda like my playing, come to think of it... However, I was not prepared for it when my cockpiece totally got in the way of my Littlest Hobo solo. Cockblocked by my own codpiece. Not what I was expecting...

C- our gorgeous dancing girl Kate was on stage from the start, and was soon joined by gorgeous dancing girls Tessa and Kelly. how the deuce did we get so lucky to have such adorable eye candy bouncing around? sorry if the audience couldn't see you, Doug, but i assume the view was worth it.
D - Just sit back and revel in the awesomeness of the "drum solo". Complete with sexy clambell holders, strobe light and light up drumsticks! (thanks again to Mandy of course)  Mandy singing "Cold Gin", myself doing "Do You Love Me" and Cynthia belting the ever popular "Liquored Up",  was 15 minutes of KISStory that will never make it in the biopic! (But wait....there is video, soon to be posted and shared on teh intarwebs!!!!)And Cyn...I always have the best view...and it's always worth it! :)
M - It's pretty freakin' awesome that we get the girlies up dancing. No wonder teenaged boys start bands. And Kate is great! She was up dancing all night! 

C- i found bendy straws that have built in drink umbrellas which worked perfectly in our mic stand cup holders. stylish!
D - I still vote for sippycups! And can I get a "twisty" straw? Seems more fitting! No umbrella required!
M - I'm still thinking that one of those baseball caps with the two beer holders and straws might be the most practical way to go. Or the bra with the built-in flask; that'd work too. But then I'd start the night a DD and end a B, and that's so not rock. 

C- Mid set, the lovely Matt brought us a huge round of tequila shots - enough for the dancing girlies too. sweet!
D - You really like Rock & Roll      All of the sleaze and shenanigans     You like dancing on our stage      And bring us tequila, cuz you're our friends.....BUT
M - YAY MATT! I love it when people pay attention to our instructions. And very sweet that he got the girlies liqoured up for us, too! 

C- i could not believe it when Dan handed me a pitcher of tequila & ice, rimmed with limes. okay, was only a quarter full, which is still a LOT of flippin' tequila! we poured ourselves full glasses then couldn't stop giggling 
D - Do you love me?    
      Do you love me?      
      Do you love me?  
      I mean like do ya?      
      Really love me?
M - Oh yes, the jug o' 'quila was a moment in history. Dan knows the way to our cirrhosed little livers... 

C - do you guys remember how many people we had on stage for last few songs? 
D - Those dancing girls up on the stage
      make me think of things obscene
      All the fans know we just ain't right
      from all the twitter posts they read....BUT
M - Doug's show report had become just words from his Kiss song. I think he's having flashbacks. Or he's still drunk. 

C - we are so lucky to have wonderful friends who not only come out to our shows, but stick around to help haul gear when we are exhausted. thanks Matt!
D - We? 
M - "We" being the two-thirds of the band with the charming personalities (*cough* boobs *cough*) that makes people want to help us haul gear. Thanks Matt!

C- i am a little worried about seeing this video. we likely looked cracktastic! 
M - I'm counting on it! After all the work I put into those costumes, I want us to look like we rode the crack train into town to pink the place up. I cannot freakin' wait to see the video and to get the letter from Uncle Gene threatening to sue our sorry pink asses. Gonna be awesome... 

C- if that was Halloween, can you imagine what we'll do to Rancho for out CD release party December 20th
D - All I can say is, if it is actually the "end of the world", I plan on going out with a bang! A huge bang!
M - Uh dude, are you talking about your pants produce again...?

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