Halloween!!! Don't miss it!

Show Report - London - Oct 13

with Robert O'Neill and WitchEver at The Richmond Tavern


show report - london


C - the quest for Starbucks ended in a large fail, but mediocre salad was good enough. Little Girl in Ladies room - do you dye your hair? i almost said no, vitamin deficiency. heh heh. Mandy found the WEIRDEST flavour of chips

D - Sour Cream & Bacon and Hot Wings aren't "weird" to most of us potato chip enthusiasts! But when the truckstop stocks bright pink cowboy hats, nobody even blinks an eye!

M - That little girl in the washroom was awesome. We may be the machine that spawned the next Florence. The check out lady was totally impressed with my choice in potato chips. And there is no weird at 4am when you're drunk and starving; there is just grease and tasty tasty chemicals.

C - our hotel was easy to find, and we didn't realize until our photographer buddy Jason sent a text - is that the place next to the Beef Baron? naturally we find the sleaziest, dirtiest strip bar. apparently it's so foul that our cousin Dirty Dirk won't even go there. Doug said the elevator smelled like strippers

D - I'll bet there have been many a walk of shame down the Econdomlodges hallways! I'm pretty sure that elevator reeked of cheap perfume and shame! The Beef Baron? Are we in the meat packing district? Apparently yes! Must be a sale on beef curtains tonight!

M - yeah, wow, that hotel must have been an Olympic venue, 'case it was all kinds of special. And the Beef Baron next door smelled like skunk. Which kinda makes sense--Pepe Le Pew has always had a thing for pussycats.

C - we arrived, and instantly tore the room apart for photo shoot #1 one, which is classified. which sucks because it was HILARIOUS and you will PISS YOURSELVES laughing when you see the pics.

D - I'm pretty sure the what we did in that room was quite tame compared to "normal" weekend activity. Though, I wouldn't want to have gone all CSI on the place. I'm hoping I didn't catch anything from the jacuzzi! And I have to say I did enjoy some of the "reflective" features of the room!

M - The hotel guy arrived with the rolly bed at exactly the wrong time. He was all eyebrows and skeezy questions when I checked out the next day.

C - photo shoot #2 was classier and we were fully dressed. unfortunately, the cocktails were fake. we were drinking red bull & tequila out of ugly plastic cups though, have no fear

D - Classy as we could ever be! That's why I keep the inner voice gagged for such "sophisticated" moments! ( I so wanted to spell that with an f instead of a ph)

M - Yeah, I know it's all part of the magic and make-believe, but it was still weird being all dressed like a grown up. That is NOT why I joined a band!

C - after whoring up twice for photos, we whored up again, shook our bits at the Beef Baron out the window, then took off to the gig.

D - Except for poor Mandy who had to return the mom-mobile back to the hotel, cab back to the club, cab back to the hotel to retrieve Jason's backpack that was left in the mom-mobile and then back to the club! Cutting into precious pre-show theraquilas!

M - Somebody had to take on that mission, and I had the keys to the mom-mobile. I made up for lost tequila time later...which always leads to lost tequila time...

C - Mandy is a Trooper - she's looking for The Boys in the Bright White Sports Car in Cold, Cold Toronto, and Don't Like Bein' Told What to Do, so Drive Away, Drivin' Crazy in your Gyspy Wheeler Lookin' for Trouble and Raisin' a  Little Hell.

D - What? Mandy is in Trooper? Sweet gig!

M - Trooper is in me. And mmm raisins...

C - i love playing shows in London. they get us. they sing along. they have an ass-shaking Stephanie!

D - Let me shorten that last sentence to what you wanted to say: "I love ass-shaking Stephanie!"

M - Asses in general love us.

C- we have mic stand drink holders now, for we is teh hightechs and such

D - And we (well, I) have learned that if you knock over the mic stand, the drink, she's gonna spill. Maybe we need fancy sippy cups for these high tech holders?

M - Everything is better in a fancy sippycup, and less sloshy. I hate sloshing on the Harlot, but it happens.

C- the new songs went well, with no mistakes, and no terror induced shaking that we couldn't hide well enough.

C- you know what the audience didn't see? my ruffled & bow black panties. because my cocktail dress skirt was actually long enough to be civilized, and i didn't bend over like a trollop.

D - I don't know if I can get the sight of both of you fully clothed and underexposed out of my mind!  Some things can't be unseen! Thank gord we had that photo shoot to make up for it! ;-)

M - Yeah, again, dressing like a grown-up is NOT why I joined a band.

C - the hotel said we could have a late checkout of 1pm, and nobody would disturb us until then. nice of them to phone at 11:30 am and see if we were still in the room. assholes. that is why i always steal the pen and notepaper.

D - That hotel probably says a lot of things like: "I'm sorry lady, you need to wear clothing during the "continental" breakfast!" and " No...a donkey is not considered a pet and cannot accompany you to the room!"
D - I slept on a roll-a-way bed that basically had a crib mattress! You guys had a king size bed! I see how it is..."Them drummers ain't right and can't be trusted." Well...yeah, you're probably right!  ...sigh...

M - Yup.

C - is it rude to barge into someone's apartment and beg for coffee, when it's 1pm and you've just gotten up and are slightly hungover?

D - Only if it takes you more than 3 attempts to find the apartmet

M - I think that coffee saved us from causing a major accident en route to the OnRoute for coffee, so I think we could categorize it as a medical emergency.

C - when YOU are at the OnRoute pitstop, sipping Starbuckery, are you given a bright red rockem' sockem' robot by the cleaning staff? no?!?! then you're not Doug.

D - No! No you're not! And being me...is all of the awesomesauce!

M - Because you're in a band.

D - No...because I'm in a band with with you guys! <3 p="p">
PHOTOS! - High Heels Lo Fi, Witch Ever and Robert O'Neil at The Richmond

Show Report - Sat. Sept. 29, Bassline Pub, Ottawa

The Contra, Black Market Candy, High Heels Lo Fi, Static Revolt


C - the drive up was mellow, and filled with alt-rock and Starbucks. we made it in about 4.5 hours, which is ridiculous. lots of time to fuel up with a huge burger and a few drinks.

M - Yay for the Mom-mobile! Comfort, space, and a good sound system! Also? Cruise control. Handy 'cause I have a congenital lead foot from Mom's side of the family.

D - Drive highlight (or lowlight) Some dude in a black oversized pick up actually had silver balls hanging from his trailer hitch! Why didn't we get a picture?

M - Because some things are too gross and stupid to need a picture of.

D - You're right Mandy... I guess Cyn can vouch for that!

C - someone mentioned that a "girls night party" was coming tonight. woohoo! we like girlies!

D - Yes!.....yes we do!

M - Who doesn't?

C - I had been sitting still for far too long, so when I popped outside with Doug, I was doing jumps and high kicks to get some blood flow going. whoops - was doing super high kicks in a super short skirt. good grief.

D- It's O.K. Cyn...remember, you had Mandy's underpants on? So I technically didn't see yours! And the vocal demonstrations you gave to the local youth gang was quite funny as well!

M - It 's nice that Cynthia is volunteering with the underprivleged children, giving them music lessons and help with their anatomy homework.

C - I was really worried that my voice wouldn't hold. I had been sick for several days, and my throat was pretty sketchy. but by the fourth song I was pretty sure it would last for the set. I'd say it was at about 87% of regular power, which hopefully was enough to amuse everyone

D - Pretty sure the bottle and a half of tequila we went through that night helped!

M - Mother always said that alcohol kills the germs.

C- there is often one dude in the audience whose face I notice when we play Littlest Hobo. I see this glimmer of... "this is familiar", followed by "no - it couldn't be", and finally "HELL YEAH!" and suddenly there is a fist in the air and he is singing along. it's a different dude at each show, but I love that dude.

D - Littlest Hobo always goes over well and with the new "mix up the musical genre bass solo" it's just over the top. Until... you stand up and knock the drum stool over and realize you can't sit back down for the rest of the song!

M - Every song, all rockbilly, all the time...
      The first thing I heard when we finished our set was some guy hollering "That was fucking hilarious!" which is           really the best compliment anyone could pay us.

C- Girlies wore our t-shirts. That makes my black little heart melt a bit.

M - They make everyone's boobies look better! And make moobies more manly...

D - Wow, do our t-shirts ever make girlies look good!  And we don't mind a "good" girl on occasion! But we prefer them bad!!!
     Speaking of which, there might have been a "slotblock" incident at the after party. I'll try to not let that happen again! Unless we decide to share, of course! :)

C - Mandy: "how long does GoogleMaps say it is to Kingston?"
     Me: "two hours and five minutes".
     Mandy: "i'll do it in an hour forty-five".
     Me: "holy crap, she did!"

M - See my first comment.

D - That's how we roll (and rock). She gets a blues name to insert: "Leadfoot"!

C- Lunch at The Iron Duke on Wellington is well worth the detour. That black bean dip was the tastiest of all tastes, and luckily the bean effect didn't hit until hours after we were out of the car.

D - It's O.k. You two bought enough cheese in Wilton to counteract anything that goes through the digestive system for months!

C- I spent around $300 at the Wilton Cheese Factory, but $200 was for a friend with a wee Wilton Cheese addiction. I guess if you're gonna get hooked on something, great cheese isn't so bad.

M - Yeah, there's something about that cheese. I got a bag of cheese curds, but when I saw ~everyone~ coming through the door buying cheese curds, I got suspicious. So I gave the curds to my mom instead. We'll see what happens...

D - Whew...glad I don't do cheese!

Show Report - Friday Sept. 7, Hard Luck Bar

with Girl Lovin the Vibe and SLAVE to the SQUAREwave

C - how do i get talked into wearing such ridiculous (tiny) outfits on stage? i was more nervous about that than the two new songs. argh. 

M - Hey, who doesn't like a good school assembly. And for that you need slutty school girls. And 'cause it was a school assembly, everyone had to stand for the playing of the national anthem, on bass and kazoo. So we had to be dressed like slutty school girls. It's just logic. 

C - good thing we put all new or tricky songs into the first third of the set, because THREE lovely people brought us rounds of shots while we were playing. this is why the last two songs are dead easy - for just such an occasion.

M - Yes, there is that good place, that is somwehere between the theraquila and the second of three on-stage rounds kicking in where we get the accuracy-to-fun ratio right. And then we play the last two songs. Screw you accuracy, you A-type jerk. 

D - I invoke the right to remain silent on the grounds that anything I say or do can and will be held against me!

      Is it any wonder that these are called "Miranda" Rights?

M - I'm not holding my rights or my lefts against you, Doug. 

C - okay Doug, we'll let you off the hook on this one. i'll try not to mention you poking me in the ass with a riding crop between songs. 

D - At least it was just a riding crop!!!!

C - i think we played really well - new stuff turned out okay, people were cheerleading, lots of laughter. we had a lot of great feedback from sweet people after the show. that's always lovely. sold some tshirts, made some friends. but THEN, the most important part of the night... dancing our fool asses off to SLAVE to the SQUAREwave! that was amazingly fun. (there may have been some shirts unbuttoned while dancing on stage, but what happens on stage stays there, right?)

M - I had an insane amout of fun playing, grooved to GLtV while I worked the crowd and ended up with a bra full of tshirt money (the Bank of HHLF--a little sweaty, but ain't no-one breaking through that bullet-proof brassiere) and then danced my ass into oblivion when S2tSw went on. And totally got my dirty dance on with Kim. But I gave her $20 bucks of bramoney, so that makes it less pervvy. Yup. 

D - Well, Mandy does set the standards for whoredrobe, so we must adhere to those standards. Specifically because we constantly aim so high!!!

It's just a drag I can't dance with you guys whenever SLAVE plays. Cuz you know I got the moves like Jager!

M - I believe that's spelled 'Jäger'. 

D - Yeah, I'm just to lazy to search for umlauts! 

Thanks for the Photos Noah/Steve!

Video from the show - thanks Andrew!:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWL9ZrYCy5s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsFeJM4C9Uo

Show Report - Wed. Aug 1st - Rancho Relaxo

Mandy:
Meanwhile back at the Rancho...

I swear, Two Way Dan just gives us gigs so he can see what kind of
shenanigans we'll get up to this time. I think the Pink Platoon, ready
to invade CandyLandistan, did not disappoint. Seriously, the matching
pink camo was an awesome investment capturing giggles and livers.

Doug:
I have a pink star on my cheek! Head to toe in pink camo!
Maybe I should have dyed my hair pink. Although moon was almost full,
the tides high and I'm pretty positive that I'm "syncing" up with the girls.
Having a dancing girl (Kate) on stage from the get go was a first and
it only meant Mandy had no choice but to stand and play directly in
front of me! Best behaviour...best behaviour...best behaviour!!!
See, I can do it.
And I managed to keep my pants on the whole night!
You're welcome!


Cyn:
Two new covers and a new original - I hope we entertained the @#$% out of our old friends and new buddies. Thanks so much to Kate for shaking her cute ass for the whole shebang! And to Alana & Veronique for joining in for last few songs! I swear, we always end up with the BEST party people, everywhere we go! We are so lucky!

Show Report - Paintapalooza!

Friday July 28, LOCO Roller Derby Fundraiser, outside Brantford.

Private Parts, Major Tatas, and General Pervery reported for duty at
the Paintball Field!

D - I'm a General Now! Does that mean you have to follow my orders
or end up in the brig?

M -- Saigon... shit; I'm still only in Saigon... Every time I think
I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle.

C - the drive to Brantford was pretty chill, and included helping an
older lady pick out a fancy bottle of tequila for a gift, and roaming
the grocery store while people stared at our weird hair & matching hot
orange shirts.

M--My orders say I'm not supposed to know where I'm taking this boat,
so I don't! But one look at you, and I know it's gonna be hot!



C - the derby team had fixed us a cooler with our name on it, full of
ice, beer, and a bottle of Cuervo... I hit that pretty hard. Can we
please not mention quite HOW hard I hit that bottle? I also blame the
extreme sunshine for frying my brain.

D - In Soviet Russia, bottle hits you! Let's just say that there's only
about 6 ounces left in that bottle. We don't need to explain exactly what
size bottle it was! But it was fun carrying on conversations and eating food
that Cynthia will never remember!
Did we mention the show took place at Crazy Bill's Paintball! So it was
only fitting that Mandy and I partook in a little rhythm section rivalry on the
field. Sure, she's in much better shape than I, but I also have some marksman
skills. We both wear our bruises with pride! She just wears a few more!!

M-- There's mines over there, there's mines over there, and watch out
those goddamn monkeys bite, I'll tell ya.


C - i sobered up in time to change into camo gear, walk around parking
lot doing vocal warmups looking insane, and chug some water before the
set. i *think* we played fairly well. everyone seemed to really dig
it! i've never had to focus while smacking mosquitos before though.
crikey.

D - And the "camo" gear was PINK! Yes, PINK camouflage! Just in case we
needed to invade Candyland! But as usual, some strange force had removed my
pants halfway through the set. And not that much longer my underwear was on
the stage between Cynthia and Mandy!
I don't know whose drum throne I borrowed, but I apologize profusely!

C - oh man... some things cannot be unseen. but we made it through two & a half new covers and a brand new original without going totally off the rails. so there's something to be said for the power of discount Red Rain!

M--I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no
right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a
right to do that... but you have no right to judge me.

C- halfway through the set i was interrupted by J pouring a shot of
tequila into my face. i am a professional, so i managed not to choke,
or drip any on the guitar. the two new covers turned out great, and
the new derby song was a hit, even though SOMEBODY started it just a
bit too quick!

D - I wasn't wearing any pants! And there was a stage full of half naked Derby girls!
I might have wanted to get through the last couple of songs a little quicker, If you
know what I mean!

M--They were gonna make me a Major for this, and I wasn't even in
their fuckin' army anymore.


C - the last few songs had a whack of scantily clad derby gals on
stage dancing - bikini tops were displaying boobies everywhere!

D- Hey wait....that's not a drumstick!!!

C- somewhere there is a glorious photo of me on my knees, still
wearing guitar, with pick in my teeth, reaching up to grab a boobie on
each side of me. life is grand, kiddies. life is grand!

M--They're out there operating without any decent restraint, totally
beyond the pale of any acceptable human conduct. And they're is still
in the field, commanding troops.

D - I felt like I was hosting Romper Room with the dirty magic mirror...
I see Sammi and Stephanie and Kole and.....booooooooobies!
The hostages were released!
We weren't allowed to do an encore unless more more hostages were released.
Thankfully the demands were met!

C - Romper Room! LOL  perfection.

M--Disneyland? Fuck, man, this is better than Disneyland!


C - i was awoken at 5:40 am by a rooster crowing. a ROOSTER fer
crissakes. i woke up in a cartoon.

D - But I thought early morning cock was good? We we're in the cuntry after all! :)


M--Smell that? You smell that?  Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world
smells like that.
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.


C - Doug, did you actually hand me the tequila bottle around 10am? well done, sir.

D - Breakfast of Champions!

M--This General guy? He's wacko, man! He's worse than crazy. He's
evil. It's fuckin' pagan idolatry.


D - And no mention of the colossal Poutine ritual! Nothing says brunch like an enormous
plate of  Ham, Bacon and Sausage covered poutine. And Mandy's Maple, Bacon and
fried onion with a sunny side up egg on top poutine was just as epic! She knows...
She knows!


M--The horror... the horror...

Show Report - North by NorthEast!

Thursday June 14 - Detour Bar, NXNE Showcase
with Jet Black, Alright Alright, and This Mess

Notes from Cyn:
- Detour Bar is one of those awesome little nooks that is perfect for party people. but it looks like it's usually packed, so please don't tell anyone about it. SHUSH.
- OMG the staff are all super hot. seriously, we beg of you, do NOT tell anyone about this bar.
- the stage was small. "the drums were halfway up my ass, but other than that, i'm perfect!"
- in London we dressed British, for Laura Rock's CD release we dressed rocker, and for Detour... we dressed to match the disco ball. for realz.
- it felt like we played REALLY well. everything felt like it was on fire. or was that just the extreme heat? but people were bouncing and dancing and cheerleadering (hush now, it is too a word) and yelling with fists in the air.
- we even had two sexy dancing girls mashed onto the front speaker for the last two songs.
- afterward, a girl said that i reminder her of Joan Jett and I nearly burst into tears. i'm sort of a dork.
- HOLY MOTHER OF BOB THE POUTINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mandy, please explain the awesomeness of Bon Jovi & poutine...

Notes from Dug:
-what we played NXNE! It all seems to blur together from Wednesday evening to Sunday morning.
-keeping up with these young cupcakes will be the death of me...but what a way to go!
-consumed more alcohol in 5 days than all month...but still relatively sober...DAMN you tolerance!
-the gig was fantastic, 3 sparkling lunatics, rocking out in black and silver from head to toe!
- the fact that whoever put the drum kit together and didn't know back from front of a bass drum didn't deter us from given 'er our all!
Nothing that a cinder block and sparkle boots couldn't fix. (see pic)
-all in all it was a killer night with killer bands. We came, we rocked, We had sex with your moms! \m/

Notes from Mandy:
Uhhh, the dog ate my show report.

OMGPWNEEEZE! WE PLAYED NXNE!!!

We played NXNE and I worked my Artist pass like show-playing, seminar-going, line-jumping jerk that I am.
So. Much. Fun. With a disco ball...

The cool thing about the Artist pass is that you get to go to all these fancy-schmancy industry seminars, which were either kinda not-quite-as-advertised, or interesting, or frikkin' cool, depending on how you choose...or how many of the family-sized gins the very friendly bartender has served you.
In between seminars we got loads of people chatting with us 'cause of the jackets, and every time we turned around, all of the earplugs we'd put down were gone! People love swag. I hope they look us up on FB.
While the seminars teased us with cookies on Wednesday, there were none on Thursday or Friday. RIP OFF! I DEMAND COOKIES! I HAVE AN ARTIST PASS, DAMMIT!

Super huge thanks to Charles Whaley of torontoliveclubhub.com for the Video!




Photo Set - and Review of the show thanks SO much Amber!